by Jes

Pavol Demitra is awesome at many things: passing, shooting, stick-handling, skating, fashion, and Sudoku.

As the great ones often do, Pavol felt like he needed a challenge, so he took up...fighting?

Yeah, apparently Pavol Demitra came to the aid of his BFFL, Marian Gaborik, and used the old UFC ground-and-pound on Marc Savard to score the KO victory.

From Wild Puck Banter:

Near the end of last night's win over the Bruins, Marian Gaborik took a clean hit behind the net from Andrew Ference. Pavol Demitra immediately came to his defense, dropping the gloves to fight Marc Savard. This is Demitra's first fight this year and it really wasn't much of a scrap. It's not exactly breaking news, but Marian and Pavol are pretty tight. They sit together on the bench, chat it up during practice and I wouldn't be surprised if they wear matching outfits on the road.

It certainly wasn't much of a scrap as Demitra scored a quick victory. Need evidence? Here it is...



Ph33r the Pavol!

Labels: Demitra, Fight, Gaborik, Marc Savard, Pavol Demitra, Pavol is Awesome

By Gőlbez and special guest 'Aurian'

Closed Captioning (CC) is not something most hockey fans need or think about. I'm sure most of us have seen it, or played with the CC button on the remote a few times, but the captioning is always a few seconds behind the real action, and it's not something we need to have to enjoy the game.

I'm in that majority, but my many hours at the gym, on the cross-trainers, have been spent in front of TV screens, where the CC option is often turned on while I'm watching a sports game or highlight show.

I'm always amazed at just how 'butchered' some of the names can get. Pavol Demitra becomes 'Pablo', Pavel Kubina becomes 'Havlid Subpoena', Messier becomes 'Mess Yay', Bure becomes 'beret' or 'Bear A', and so on. It often seems like the typists who do the CCing have never watched a hockey game before in their lives.

Now, I know the players well and CC is not something essential for me. The errors seem more amusing than anything else. But, what about someone who needs CC?

Hockey Rants reader Aurian is someone who needs to use Closed Captioning to enjoy the full viewing experience, and contributes her thoughts on the issue

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Why Captions are Important for me:

Even though people always tell me that the announcers are as annoying as hell and there isn't much point to captions anyways, I do find I miss the captions when they are not running. Watching a game, I don't always know who's wearing what number jersey for the opposing team, and the lettering on the jersey is often too small to make out. I like to have the captions running so I can go "oh, so that's how so-and-so plays!" I don't always catch why the play is stopped, what the ref is calling, who assisted on that goal, etc. The "public" channels (CBC, Rogers Sportsnet, TSN) all have captions, whereas PPV does not. I actually sometimes feel like I am not getting much value for my money because I am getting less from PPV :p
(Jes: PPV is never worth the money! *COUGH*)

How Captions work:

I had a captionist in one of my university classes that involved a lot of discussion in a big lecture hall. She captioned the discussion for me, so I watched her at work. She would program her computer to auto-type words if she typed in a few letters, especially for the longer ones. Before a class, she would find out the subject and program a list of new words into her computer. This is important for live stuff, because people can speak faster than someone can type properly (taped programs have FAR fewer caption errors and do not have the lag you see in live shows and games). Even so, she would still make mistakes. Usually caption errors come from typing phonetically or breaking down a name into similar words. However, sometimes I get the feeling that the captionist has never watched a hockey game or heard some of the names before :p

Caption follies:

The sports news shows usually are not too bad, because the speakers generally plan out what they will say. The games are the best source of bloopers. CBC is the best source for funny captions - they are the ones doing the "Brenda Morrison" on a regular basis.

I just watched a period of the Bruins-Rangers game and got the following:

Crueller took at shot at the goal (Cullen). The announcers discussed the trade of "Con Ray". Someone by the name of Peter Pwei ska is playing too (Peter Prucha). Also, at one point, the Vlaisers were up by three goals (NY Rangers).

I remember some great ones from various Canucks games. The captionists have just as much trouble with Bieksa as those Toronto announcers did. I've watched "Bert Fuzzy" and "Henry Sedin" play. I've also seen Cloo Tear and Longo in goal (insert bad pun there :p). There have been some minor gaffs like Sammy Salo, Kessler, and Burros.

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If the networks are going to take the time to provide CC for the games, why don't they hire somebody who actually follows the sport? I can understand if some AHL call-up gets their name slaughtered, but how can you screw up a star like Bertuzzi? Give the captionists a roster list or find a hockey fan out of the bunch. There must be one.

Closed Captioning might not be important to everyone, but to those that need it, they do deserve to be able to watch a game without a whole whack o' errors.

Labels: Aurian, Bertuzzi, closed captioning, Demitra, hockey, Pavol Demitra

By Gőlbez

It's been awhile since we had one of those meme fads make its way around the hockey blogosphere, so I'm up at 7:30AM on a Sunday morning and got nothing better to do.



If I Were a Hockey Player:

Team: Vancouver Canucks (gotta be the hometown)
Uniform Number: 75
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: sadly, "Jessie" or "Golbie"
Dream Linemates: Sidney Crosby at center, Pavol Demitra at RW.
Rounding out the PP: Jiri Slegr and Zdeno Chara.
Job: Mucking, Grinding, scoring the odd goal, and injuring anyone who breathes on Pavol.
Signature Move: Having goals go in off of my ass.
Strengths: Shooting, Work Ethic, Deflections
Weaknessess: Passing, Skating
Injury Problems? My right knee
Equipment: Full visor with reflective blue tint (Ovechkin style), Mario Lemieux RH Koho stick, and anything-but-Nike to fill out the rest.
Nemesis: Sean Avery (shutupshutupshutup!), Martin Brodeur, and Chris Pronger.
Scandal Involvement: Shooting pucks at Gary Bettman during a warmup.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Toronto Maple Leafs. Crushing the lemmings after they come oh-so-close is too good to resist.

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Eat popcorn out of it, hold it, caress it, make sweet, sweet love to it.

Would the media love me or hate me? Both! They'd love how I'd give it to them straight, but hate that I'd force them to pronounce my name correctly or get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head.
---

Tagging Ingmar W Bergman (got off the damn WiiWii), American Hockey Fan, Mr. Reality Check, CasonBlog, Mike Chen, Zanstorm, and anyone who wants to take part.

Labels: Crosby, Demitra, Golbez, meme, Pavol Demitra

I just got back from tonight’s Wild/Canucks tilt at GM Place, where the Wild smacked the Canucks around and pwned them to a 5-2 victory.

The game marked the triumphant return of Potatohead Gaborik, who didn’t tear his groin while flashing his famous speed and scoring 2 goals on Roberto Cloutier. The Canucks made it close in the 2nd period, but the Wild basically shut the door in the 3rd period the crowd went home unhappy (well apart from the 6 Wild fans in attendance).

Here’s a brain dump that will clog the Hockey Rants toilet for a week.

Trevor Linden – D00d definitely has had the fork taken out of his back and looked about 5 years younger out there. He’s actually skating, hustling, and just about scored on a very nice individual rush effort. I wonder what performance enhancing substance he’s been using. LaKOTA?

GM Place is a great venue to do a little ‘bird watching’, as the place is filled with a lot of good looking ladies. At the same time, it’s very depressing for a single guy since these ladies are already hooked up with some preening moron.

Best Friends Forever: The Pavol and Potatohead spent a lot of quality on the ice talking to each other, leaving linemate Koivu out in the cold. The Wilds’ other slavs, Skoula and Radivojevic, also spent a lot of chit-chat time together.

Speaking of Martin Skoula, how is it that this guy hasn’t developed any further since his rookie season? He looks awfully clumsy out there at times and could easily be mistaken for a rookie, or Duvie Westcott.

There were quite a few women wearing those awful pink jersey/sweaters at the game. Every single one of them had dyed-blonde hair. Is that a rule? Can a brunette not purchase one of these garments?

I honestly do not mind if people leave the game early. It makes it easier for me to leave the game once it’s FINISHED. The fewer idiots that I have to come into close contact with, the better.

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Now, here’s a list of people that need to be disemboweled with a thrice-used toilet plunger.

These guys who wear a full business suit and tie to the game. It’s a sporting event, not a board meeting, you empty corporate assholes.

The pair of dweebs (and it’s always two of them) who (try to) start ‘The Wave’. Great, just great! Your mothers didn’t give you enough attention when you were kids and now you have to attract attention to yourself by inciting the crowd in a communistic cheer ritual. Sit down and have some herbal tea.

Anyone who partakes in the “Day-O” chant. Yeah, there are people who actually dig that crap. Do us all a favour and commit suicide, would you please.

Everyone who actually took and used a pair of those atrocious ThunderStix. Not only are they an incredibly stupid way to help destroy the Earth’s environment, but they are more annoying than David Pratt on a Wednesday.

These groups that feel the need to announce their presence by having their names put up on the electronic scoreboard. As if I give a rat’s ass that the people from “Rhino’s Pub” attended tonight’s game. I know which establishment I won’t be patronizing in the future.

The moron who controls the music at GM Place. I didn’t pay $100 to listen to sub-standard music, especially “Cotton Eye Joe”. Put on some more Rammstein and maybe I’ll let you live.

The punks who order two beers at a time (The “double-fisters”) and proceed to spill half of the cup’s contents onto the floor before they reach their seat. Get a lid for those, junior. These are the same punks that light their own farts and think Coldplay is worth listening to.

Finally, the concession stand worker who filled my cup completely full of ice before dispensing the Diet Coke. Hey, I paid $4 for that drink, so I want enough Aspartame to give me cancer next week.

Labels: Canucks, Demitra, Gaborik, Linden, Live Game Recap, Pavol Demitra, Wild

From a poll conducted by the Molvanian Associated Press

1. If you were asked to name a famous person to be the biggest villain of the year, whom would you choose?
--Pavol Demitra, 15 percent
--George W. Bush, 10 percent
--Osama bin Laden, 8 percent
--Saddam Hussein, 6 percent
--President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, 5 percent
--Kim Jong Il, North Korean leader, 2 percent
--Donald Rumsfeld, 2 percent

2. If you were asked to name a famous person to be the biggest hero of the year, whom would you choose?
--Pavol Demitra, 13 percent
--Soldiers/troops in Iraq, 6 percent
--Oprah Winfrey, 3 percent
--Barack Obama, 3 percent
--Jesus Christ, 3 percent
--Bono, 2 percent

3. If you had to choose, which of the following celebrities would you say was the best role model this year?
--Sidney Crosby, 29 percent
--Michael J. Fox, 23 percent
--George Clooney, 12 percent
--Angelina Jolie, 8 percent
--Maxim Afinogenov, 2 percent
--Tom Cruise, 2 percent

4. And, if you had to choose, which of the following celebrities would you say was the worst role model this year?
--Alexander Ovechkin, 29 percent
--Paris Hilton, 18 percent
--Mel Gibson, 12 percent
--Tom Cruise, 9 percent
--Michael Richards, 6 percent
--Nicole Richie, 5 percent

Labels: Demitra, Pavol Demitra, Polls

I know, I know. It's been far too long since our last Pavol Demitra memory entry. I'm truly sorry. Will you ever forgive me?

Since it's almost Christmas, I figure I might as well be twice as generous and dish out two great Demitra goals for your video stockings.

First, we have Demitra scoring a beautiful shorthanded goal, last season, against Greg's beloved Colorado Crapalanche.

The Pavol has got enough time to read the Sunday New York Times AND whip me up a latte before scoring that goal.

The bonus gift? How about Demitra's goal from this past Saturday's Wild/Canucks tilt.



In the words of Alanah (Check out her new site, Canucksandbeyond.com), "Demitra makes Luongo look like Cloutier!"

I have the text message saved on my cell phone to prove it ;)

Labels: Demitra, Movies, Pavol Demitra

Inspired by the legendary Ed Powers, I'll be bringing you a series of NHL debuts from when various NHL players scored their first NHL goals.

The first segment in this series deals with the debuts of Slavic NHLers, because we know Anglo-Canadians are just so frickin' boring and Swedes are evil.

First up, Marian Gaborik. His first NHL goal was the Minnesota Wild's first NHL goal as well. Assist to Scott Pellerin.



Pavol Demitra sets up Lubos Bartecko for his first goal. This would be the start of the Slovak Pak, one of the best lines to ever grace the NHL. Yes, I do have the Slovak Pak t-shirt.




Here is Jaroslav Balastik scoring his first NHL goal. Not surprisingly, this was a Power Play tally from his office in front of the net. Good times, good times.



Fourth up is Alexander Perezhogin of the Montreal Canadiens who beats Kevin Weekes like a dirty rug.



To finish, let's bring back the Anze Kopitar debut goal featured before on this site. It's worth a second look. It's hard to believe Chris Pronger was beaten that badly.

Labels: Demitra, Gaborik, Kopitar, Pavol Demitra, Perezhogin, video

November 29, 1974 is one of the most important dates in world history. Why? Because, in a little village in Northern Slovakia, Pavol Demitra, your lord and master, was born.

Other great events in history on November 29 include...
1830 - November Uprising: An armed rebellion against Russia's rule in Poland begins.
1945 - The Federal People's Republic of Yugoslavia declared.
1947 - The United Nations General Assembly votes to partition Palestine.
1975 - The name "Micro-soft" (for "microcomputer software") is first used in a letter from Bill Gates to Paul Allen.
1990 - Gulf War: The United Nations Security Council passes United Nations Security Council Resolution 678, authorizing "use all necessary means to uphold and implement" United Nations Security Council Resolution 660 "to restore international peace and security" if Iraq did not withdraw its forces from Kuwait and free all foreign hostages by January 15, 1991.
1992 - Dennis Byrd of the New York Jets was temporarily paralyzed by a neck injury during a football game against the Kansas City Chiefs.

In honour of the celebration, here is a video clip of Pavol Demitra pwning Roberto Luongo with his trademark 'move'.

Long live The Pavol! Long live the king!

Labels: birthday, Demitra, Pavol Demitra

Damn, some of these videos in my collection make me feel old.

Here's Pavol blasting a Power Play goal past a helpless Jocelyn Thibault back in March of 1999, when James Mirtle was about 8 years old and people liked a band called N*Sync.

Labels: Demitra, Pavol Demitra, video