Sunday, January 28, 2007


Meme Time! - "If I Were a Hockey Player"

By Gőlbez

It's been awhile since we had one of those meme fads make its way around the hockey blogosphere, so I'm up at 7:30AM on a Sunday morning and got nothing better to do.


If I Were a Hockey Player:

Team: Vancouver Canucks (gotta be the hometown)
Uniform Number: 75
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: sadly, "Jessie" or "Golbie"
Dream Linemates: Sidney Crosby at center, Pavol Demitra at RW.
Rounding out the PP: Jiri Slegr and Zdeno Chara.
Job: Mucking, Grinding, scoring the odd goal, and injuring anyone who breathes on Pavol.
Signature Move: Having goals go in off of my ass.
Strengths: Shooting, Work Ethic, Deflections
Weaknessess: Passing, Skating
Injury Problems? My right knee
Equipment: Full visor with reflective blue tint (Ovechkin style), Mario Lemieux RH Koho stick, and anything-but-Nike to fill out the rest.
Nemesis: Sean Avery (shutupshutupshutup!), Martin Brodeur, and Chris Pronger.
Scandal Involvement: Shooting pucks at Gary Bettman during a warmup.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Toronto Maple Leafs. Crushing the lemmings after they come oh-so-close is too good to resist.

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Eat popcorn out of it, hold it, caress it, make sweet, sweet love to it.

Would the media love me or hate me? Both! They'd love how I'd give it to them straight, but hate that I'd force them to pronounce my name correctly or get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head.

Tagging Ingmar W Bergman (got off the damn WiiWii), American Hockey Fan, Mr. Reality Check, CasonBlog, Mike Chen, Zanstorm, and anyone who wants to take part.

Labels: , , , ,

Does that say FEMAX out there? :))

Need a spare d-man?

ok, forget about the first question. Seeing too much hockey in too short spells makes you immune to watching the advertisement boards:)

D00d, that was the Dream Team from years back. You were one of my defensive forwards, don't ya remember? :)
...and injuring anyone who breathes on Pavol

Okay, I have been sometimes accused of being in the tank for Crosby, but that quote takes man-crush to a whole new level. ;)

This is a really great meme. I want to do it now.

I am guessing your screen capture was done from the PC version of the game. Is that true?

I really like to use myself as a character in Smackdown vs Raw (WWE) more often than NHL series these days. Lemme see what I can come up with.

Take care of yourself, Jes.
Looks like fun... I would imagine any hockey fan would always wonder what it would be like if they were on the ice ;)

If I were a hockey player
Team: Vancouver Canucks
Uniform Number: 88
Position: Goalie
Nickname: Dragon Lady
Signature Move: Playing the puck and sending it flying down the ice ala Turco
Strengths: Puck handling, quick reflexes
Weaknesses: Crease crashers, five-hole
Injury problems: back troubles from getting run over from behind :p
Equipment: Goalie mask would have a white dragon on a purple background
Nemesis: Uh, crease crashers? Pretty much the whole Calgary and Edmonton teams :p
Scandal: Caught on camera numerous times taking chops outta the ankles of opposing players whenever the ref isn`t looking.
Stanley Cup Final Opponent: NY Rangers. Revenge for 1994, baby!

That shot is from NHL 2003 (I think its 2003) when I imported the Czech league teams, arenas, and uniforms and had myself a dream team. This was well before EA actually got the Czech leagues into the game. Good times...


Good idea. Let's unretire the 1994 Rangers and kick their asses ;)
I'll give you $20 if you shoot pucks at Bettman for real.

Who wants to chip in with me? :)
Thanks for the tag, Jes. I have posted one of my own and tagged others. What a great idea! I could really wrap my brain around it!

Aurian, some of our interests were quite similar:
"Nemesis: Uh, crease crashers? Pretty much the whole Calgary and Edmonton teams :p
Scandal: Caught on camera numerous times taking chops outta the ankles of opposing players whenever the ref isn`t looking"

heheh, I singled out Ryan Smyth and Tomas Holmstrom!

Hope this idea catches on!
Ok Golbez, you've suckered me in. My post is up. With my poor shooting and your poor skating, we'd be like Adam Oates and Brett Hull revisited!
Thanks, Jes.

This was fun. I posted it just now and passed out my tags. Hope the idea spread like wildfire.
I too took the bait. That's probably virtual me as a Canadian about to splat after your cheap slew foot move.

Now, now, I'd never slew foot you. Elbow? Cross-Check? Yes, but never slew foot. (besides, I didn't know you back in 2003)

According to my photo description, that poor sap is German Titov. Now, there is a blast from the past.
Crushing hit!

I wonder what he would be thinking falling down looking up at the lights like that?

If we get enough "players", there could even be an All-Time starting five, like they did over at On Frozen Blog a couple months back...

Here's mine...
PB... I`d say "Ow" or "Mommy!" would be good guesses >:p
Thanks for the tag. You are still the enemy, but thanks.
This is a good idea you got here.

If I were a hockey player...

Team: Colorado Avalanche
Uniform Number: 11
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: Matty C or Cortez the Killer.
Dream Linemates: Joe Sakic at center, Jaromir Jagr at right wing.
Rounding out the pp: Sandis Ozolinsh and Ray Bourque.
Job: Checking, punishing the opposition, and scoring goals in front of the net ala old school Keith Tkachuk.
Signature Move: Running over the last line of defense in route to scoring a goal.
Strengths: Conditioning, Strength/Toughness, Shot Power, Training Regimen, 2 Way Player.
Weaknessess: Slow skating relative to Sakic and Jagr, Not the best hands, weak deke moves.
Injury Problems?: Back and Wrists from getting cross checked and slashed.
Equipment: Black Visor, everything else it doesn't matter.
Nemesis: Every defenseman, Broduer for trying to take Roy's records away from him.
Scandal Involvement: Putting my asthma medication in steroid bottles as to create a scandal.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Though in the same conference, any of the mid 90's Red Wings teams.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our Victory: Take it to my old job and hit everyone with it once.
Would the media love me or hate me?: Love me, hockey players are the most like normal people an athlete can be, so the media does not hate any of them.

Matt Cortese (Pronounced Core Tees though everyone pronounces it like i'm spanish...hence the nickname)
If I Were a Hockey Player:

Name: Kate Macqueen

Team: Ottawa Senators (who else?)

Uniform Number: 21

Position: Winger

Nickname: Katie

Dream Linemates: Antoine Vermette at centre and Sidney Crosby on the
other wing OR Pat Kane and Danny Briere. rookie and vet.

Rounding out the PP: Brian Campbell and Marc-Edouard Vlasic

Job: Pest. be annoying, sean avery type, score an odd goal. get breakaways when shorthanded

Signature Move: toe drag to the backhand and long "skate onto" assists

Strengths: positioning, determination, dekeing, aggressiveness

Weaknessess: Shooting! Shooting and Shooting some more.

Injury Problems? My lef wrist

Equipment: clear half visor on reebok helmet (crosby style) nike bauer vapor XXXX skates (like vermy). easton synergy stick (like danny briere) and is nike bauer.

Nemesis: Alex Tanguay (take this for ruining NHL07)

Scandal Involvement: sleeping with teammates

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Anaheim Ducks, STRIKE BACK

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Take it to a Melbourne Ice game and do a lap of honour.

Would the media love me or hate me? Both! They'd love how I can be serious and give them the answers to the hard hitting questions and they'd hate me for staying out on the ice to long and not getting a chance to talk to me.
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