Thursday, January 11, 2007

 

Canucks 2 - Wild 5: Post-Game Rants

I just got back from tonight’s Wild/Canucks tilt at GM Place, where the Wild smacked the Canucks around and pwned them to a 5-2 victory.

The game marked the triumphant return of Potatohead Gaborik, who didn’t tear his groin while flashing his famous speed and scoring 2 goals on Roberto Cloutier. The Canucks made it close in the 2nd period, but the Wild basically shut the door in the 3rd period the crowd went home unhappy (well apart from the 6 Wild fans in attendance).

Here’s a brain dump that will clog the Hockey Rants toilet for a week.

  • Trevor Linden – D00d definitely has had the fork taken out of his back and looked about 5 years younger out there. He’s actually skating, hustling, and just about scored on a very nice individual rush effort. I wonder what performance enhancing substance he’s been using. LaKOTA?

  • GM Place is a great venue to do a little ‘bird watching’, as the place is filled with a lot of good looking ladies. At the same time, it’s very depressing for a single guy since these ladies are already hooked up with some preening moron.

  • Best Friends Forever: The Pavol and Potatohead spent a lot of quality on the ice talking to each other, leaving linemate Koivu out in the cold. The Wilds’ other slavs, Skoula and Radivojevic, also spent a lot of chit-chat time together.

  • Speaking of Martin Skoula, how is it that this guy hasn’t developed any further since his rookie season? He looks awfully clumsy out there at times and could easily be mistaken for a rookie, or Duvie Westcott.

  • There were quite a few women wearing those awful pink jersey/sweaters at the game. Every single one of them had dyed-blonde hair. Is that a rule? Can a brunette not purchase one of these garments?

  • I honestly do not mind if people leave the game early. It makes it easier for me to leave the game once it’s FINISHED. The fewer idiots that I have to come into close contact with, the better.




    Now, here’s a list of people that need to be disemboweled with a thrice-used toilet plunger.

  • These guys who wear a full business suit and tie to the game. It’s a sporting event, not a board meeting, you empty corporate assholes.

  • The pair of dweebs (and it’s always two of them) who (try to) start ‘The Wave’. Great, just great! Your mothers didn’t give you enough attention when you were kids and now you have to attract attention to yourself by inciting the crowd in a communistic cheer ritual. Sit down and have some herbal tea.

  • Anyone who partakes in the “Day-O” chant. Yeah, there are people who actually dig that crap. Do us all a favour and commit suicide, would you please.

  • Everyone who actually took and used a pair of those atrocious ThunderStix. Not only are they an incredibly stupid way to help destroy the Earth’s environment, but they are more annoying than David Pratt on a Wednesday.

  • These groups that feel the need to announce their presence by having their names put up on the electronic scoreboard. As if I give a rat’s ass that the people from “Rhino’s Pub” attended tonight’s game. I know which establishment I won’t be patronizing in the future.

  • The moron who controls the music at GM Place. I didn’t pay $100 to listen to sub-standard music, especially “Cotton Eye Joe”. Put on some more Rammstein and maybe I’ll let you live.

  • The punks who order two beers at a time (The “double-fisters”) and proceed to spill half of the cup’s contents onto the floor before they reach their seat. Get a lid for those, junior. These are the same punks that light their own farts and think Coldplay is worth listening to.

  • Finally, the concession stand worker who filled my cup completely full of ice before dispensing the Diet Coke. Hey, I paid $4 for that drink, so I want enough Aspartame to give me cancer next week.
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    Comments:
    Anyone who partakes in the “Day-O” chant. Yeah, there are people who actually dig that crap. Do us all a favour and commit suicide, would you please.

    How the absolute hell did "Day-O" become one of those "anthems" that you almost always hear at NHL games? I can understand "Who Let the Dogs Out", as stupid as it is. But "Day-O", "Thank God I'm A Country Boy", AND in *very rare* instances, the Spongebob Squarepants theme?!

    Obviously, we've got bigger fish to fry than the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. o_O
     
    I loathe every one of those same idiots as you. How can all these people be at every hockey game ever iced?

    Du... du hasst... du hasst sich
     
    "Thank god I'm a country boy"

    I forgot all about that one...yeah they play that at every game now, too.

    Bill, suicide bombing is an effective crowd control technique.
     
    i've always wondered why so many arenas play the opening of 'the addams family' theme song...
     
    Great post, sorry you didn't get to see your Pavol goal, but 2 assists and a 3 Slovak goals should suffice.
     
    to counteract the stupidity, start a cheer for a team that's not even there. something like "let's go rangers" for instance. works best if the team you are rooting for not only is not there that night, but isn't even playing the same day.

    if it's successful, then people around should give you (and your group; works best in numbers) odd looks, and some should come up and say "do you even know hockey?" or something to that effect.
     
    Why only Pratt on a Wednesday? Is there another day of the week when he's not irritating?
     
    Hey c'mon, Coldplay is not all that bad! :)

    I don't get the fascination with Cotton-Eyed Joe. Time to move on from that shit!

    Agreed on the Ramstein though! We actually need to get the DJ from Dallas. He plays alot of Pantera, Metallica, etc. Rock and roll, baby!

    Hilarious post, Jes! I needed the laugh!
     
    to counteract the stupidity, start a cheer for a team that's not even there. something like "let's go rangers" for instance. works best if the team you are rooting for not only is not there that night, but isn't even playing the same day.
    Why not take it a step further and cheer for a team in a completely different sport? Start up a "Let's go Red Sox" chant at a Leafs game.

    Why only Pratt on a Wednesday? Is there another day of the week when he's not irritating?
    Wednesday is the day I tend to be the most stressed...mid-week... plus it was the first day that came into my head as I was typing.

    Agreed on the Ramstein though! We actually need to get the DJ from Dallas. He plays alot of Pantera, Metallica, etc. Rock and roll, baby
    Ugh, generic heavy metal music? Let's no go there. I want some Nightwish, Tristania, and Children of Bodom. Finnish black metal, baby.
     
    Thanks for the suicide bomber comment Jes, now I'll be on the CSIS watch list for two years!
     
    Good call on the Nightwish. Have they even found a new singer yet?

    As for the fans, does that crazy Safeway butcher still go to games? I used to go to 2-3 games a year between 93-96 and sat behind the guy with his obstructive signs and blood soaked apron. Nice guy, horrible smell.
     
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