Friday, June 01, 2007
Gőlbez's 2007 NHL Dream Team
by Gőlbez
Since I'm somewhat bored and there isn't a lot of hockey news to talk about, it's time to update my NHL Dream Team.
The premise is simple: Select your dream team roster based on players CURRENTLY in the NHL. This isn't just about having the most powerful team as having a team of 22-23 guys that you'd want to coach.
That means that poor Jiri "Hockey Adonis" Slegr, Oleg Kvasha, and Jaroslav Balastik get the boot from my team and retired guys like Scott Mellanby cannot qualify.
Goaltenders:
Roberto Luongo (Your Vezina winnah!)
Peter Budaj (aka Nedorost Flanders)
Dany Sabourin (he's great at doing nothing)
Defensemen:
Zdeno Chara - Lubomir Visnovsky (the odd couple on skates)
Nick Lidstrom - Mattias Ohlund (Yes, I hate Lidstrom, but I also enjoy watching him control the game like he does)
Karlis Skrastins - Andrej Meszaros (The Iron Man and The Butcher)
Forwards:
Gaborik-Crosby-Demitra (You just try stopping this line)
Havlat-Handzus-Elias (The two bratty playboys sandwiching the big friendly giant)
Bulis-Pahlsson(is god)-Linden (the ultimate PK line of death)
Prucha-Plekanec-Brule (The spunky kid line)
Reserves: George Parros (We can film movies in the press box when he's not kicking Maddox-like ass), Vladimir Orszagh (on the IR)
Since I'm somewhat bored and there isn't a lot of hockey news to talk about, it's time to update my NHL Dream Team.
The premise is simple: Select your dream team roster based on players CURRENTLY in the NHL. This isn't just about having the most powerful team as having a team of 22-23 guys that you'd want to coach.
That means that poor Jiri "Hockey Adonis" Slegr, Oleg Kvasha, and Jaroslav Balastik get the boot from my team and retired guys like Scott Mellanby cannot qualify.
Goaltenders:
Roberto Luongo (Your Vezina winnah!)
Peter Budaj (aka Nedorost Flanders)
Dany Sabourin (he's great at doing nothing)
Defensemen:
Zdeno Chara - Lubomir Visnovsky (the odd couple on skates)
Nick Lidstrom - Mattias Ohlund (Yes, I hate Lidstrom, but I also enjoy watching him control the game like he does)
Karlis Skrastins - Andrej Meszaros (The Iron Man and The Butcher)
Forwards:
Gaborik-Crosby-Demitra (You just try stopping this line)
Havlat-Handzus-Elias (The two bratty playboys sandwiching the big friendly giant)
Bulis-Pahlsson(is god)-Linden (the ultimate PK line of death)
Prucha-Plekanec-Brule (The spunky kid line)
Reserves: George Parros (We can film movies in the press box when he's not kicking Maddox-like ass), Vladimir Orszagh (on the IR)
Labels: dream team, Golbez, jes is bored
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Meme Time! - "If I Were a Hockey Player"
By Gőlbez
It's been awhile since we had one of those meme fads make its way around the hockey blogosphere, so I'm up at 7:30AM on a Sunday morning and got nothing better to do.
If I Were a Hockey Player:
Team: Vancouver Canucks (gotta be the hometown)
Uniform Number: 75
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: sadly, "Jessie" or "Golbie"
Dream Linemates: Sidney Crosby at center, Pavol Demitra at RW.
Rounding out the PP: Jiri Slegr and Zdeno Chara.
Job: Mucking, Grinding, scoring the odd goal, and injuring anyone who breathes on Pavol.
Signature Move: Having goals go in off of my ass.
Strengths: Shooting, Work Ethic, Deflections
Weaknessess: Passing, Skating
Injury Problems? My right knee
Equipment: Full visor with reflective blue tint (Ovechkin style), Mario Lemieux RH Koho stick, and anything-but-Nike to fill out the rest.
Nemesis: Sean Avery (shutupshutupshutup!), Martin Brodeur, and Chris Pronger.
Scandal Involvement: Shooting pucks at Gary Bettman during a warmup.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Toronto Maple Leafs. Crushing the lemmings after they come oh-so-close is too good to resist.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Eat popcorn out of it, hold it, caress it,make sweet, sweet love to it.
Would the media love me or hate me? Both! They'd love how I'd give it to them straight, but hate that I'd force them to pronounce my name correctly or get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head.
---
Tagging Ingmar W Bergman (got off the damn WiiWii), American Hockey Fan, Mr. Reality Check, CasonBlog, Mike Chen, Zanstorm, and anyone who wants to take part.
It's been awhile since we had one of those meme fads make its way around the hockey blogosphere, so I'm up at 7:30AM on a Sunday morning and got nothing better to do.
If I Were a Hockey Player:
Team: Vancouver Canucks (gotta be the hometown)
Uniform Number: 75
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: sadly, "Jessie" or "Golbie"
Dream Linemates: Sidney Crosby at center, Pavol Demitra at RW.
Rounding out the PP: Jiri Slegr and Zdeno Chara.
Job: Mucking, Grinding, scoring the odd goal, and injuring anyone who breathes on Pavol.
Signature Move: Having goals go in off of my ass.
Strengths: Shooting, Work Ethic, Deflections
Weaknessess: Passing, Skating
Injury Problems? My right knee
Equipment: Full visor with reflective blue tint (Ovechkin style), Mario Lemieux RH Koho stick, and anything-but-Nike to fill out the rest.
Nemesis: Sean Avery (shutupshutupshutup!), Martin Brodeur, and Chris Pronger.
Scandal Involvement: Shooting pucks at Gary Bettman during a warmup.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Toronto Maple Leafs. Crushing the lemmings after they come oh-so-close is too good to resist.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Eat popcorn out of it, hold it, caress it,
Would the media love me or hate me? Both! They'd love how I'd give it to them straight, but hate that I'd force them to pronounce my name correctly or get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head.
---
Tagging Ingmar W Bergman (got off the damn WiiWii), American Hockey Fan, Mr. Reality Check, CasonBlog, Mike Chen, Zanstorm, and anyone who wants to take part.
Labels: Crosby, Demitra, Golbez, meme, Pavol Demitra
Friday, November 17, 2006
Canucks 4 - Blues 2: Post-Game Musings
I forked over $100 for the privilege to sit in the lower bowl of GM Place (among the beautiful people) to watch tonight’s Blues-Canucks tilt. The Canucks won 4-2, and pretty much outplayed the Rhythm and Blues in most every area. Why can’t they play like that every frickin’ game, eh?
Yes, I was the tall, handsome stud in the Blues DEMITRA sweater gently parrying the uninspired comments from jealous Canucks fans. Hey, don’t get mad at me because you spent $200 on a shirt with a stupid looking whale-thing on the front.
The guy wearing the vintage Canucks Cam NEELY sweater = awesome.
The guys wearing a Bertuzzi or Cloutier sweater = sad.
The guy wearing a Mark Messier sweater should be shot.
Random thoughts as they spring into my mind.
The Blues were so impressed by the Canucks (lack of) offensive ability that they dressed 3rd string goalie Jason Bacashihua tonight.
You may look at the boxscore and say “Wow, he stopped 40 of 44 shots! He doesn’t seem that bad!”
Stopped? No. Juggled? Yes. D00d has Robert Esche-like rebound controls and flops around like a dying tyee on Crystal Meth. Even a floater from centre ice was an adventure. “Cash’ is obviously Japanese Yen as supposed to British Pounds. Even Jim Carrey (yes, the actor, not the Net Detective) would have stopped Ryan Kesler’s weak backhand that made it 4-2.
Keith Tkachuk and his fat booty got a goal, a fight, and knocked Markus Naslund on his Swedish meatball ass. I like.
Radek Dvorak – You are one of the league’s best skaters, so try using your speed once in awhile.
Speaking of slow skaters, Trevor Linden really does have one large fork sticking in his backside. I know Bill Guerin is pretty slow out there, but we know he’s just lazy. Linden doesn’t get involved physically (You can see him cruising on the outside) and is always a step behind the action in the offensive end. His defense is passable at times, but he ought to know when to fold them.
The new scoreboard-video screen thingamajig is impressive. Most impressive. It’s too bad they have to waste so much airtime showing dorky Canucks fans dancing around as if we give a rat’s ass they are on “TV”.
Ice Girls – These babes have some fine asses. We’re talking just a notch below Jessica Biel or my own girlfriend. Impressive...Most impressive!
Fin, the Canucks stupid mascot, threw popcorn on my friend. Yes, the mascot abused my friend just because he was wearing a Blues sweater. Where a harpoon when you need one?
I love how PA announcer John Ashcroft pronounces Martin Rucinsky’s name as if he were French.
Yes, it really did take that frickin’ long for Doug Weight to get his first goal of the season.
Roberto Luongo was getting a lot of heckling all night long. Welcome to Vancouver, where we LOVE our goaltenders.
Patrick Coulombe is small. Not Greg Hawgood small, but still shrimpy nonetheless. He’ll have a nice long career in the AHL and Europe, I’m sure.
According to the boxscore, Mike Glumac played just 4:34. Those must have been the most visible 4:34 of all time, because I swear I noticed him a lot tonight. D00d hustles and works hard and gets his nose into places Dvorak don’t.
Markus Naslund – Nice shot! Where in the hell has that been all season long?
Ye olde media crap here.
Yes, I was the tall, handsome stud in the Blues DEMITRA sweater gently parrying the uninspired comments from jealous Canucks fans. Hey, don’t get mad at me because you spent $200 on a shirt with a stupid looking whale-thing on the front.
The guy wearing the vintage Canucks Cam NEELY sweater = awesome.
The guys wearing a Bertuzzi or Cloutier sweater = sad.
The guy wearing a Mark Messier sweater should be shot.
Random thoughts as they spring into my mind.
You may look at the boxscore and say “Wow, he stopped 40 of 44 shots! He doesn’t seem that bad!”
Stopped? No. Juggled? Yes. D00d has Robert Esche-like rebound controls and flops around like a dying tyee on Crystal Meth. Even a floater from centre ice was an adventure. “Cash’ is obviously Japanese Yen as supposed to British Pounds. Even Jim Carrey (yes, the actor, not the Net Detective) would have stopped Ryan Kesler’s weak backhand that made it 4-2.
Ye olde media crap here.
Labels: blues, Canucks, Golbez, Live Game Recap
