by Jes

Today's random, assorted thoughts.

** Ingmar W. Bergman, Evil Swedish Blogger, scored an interview with an unnamed Swedish NHLer over at his site.

If you are trying to find out who Player X is, let's narrow it down...

Player X
a. is far too cool to be one of the Canucks' Swedes (Naslund and Sedinbots)
b. is not Pavol Demitra
c. is not too tall in stature (The toilet seat reference in Part III)
d. is a huge movie buff (especially James Bond)
e. is likely between the ages of 26-31 (given the TV pop-cult references)
f. lacks a social life and has hours to spend IMing Ingmar
g. is a veteran of the labour process and knows the 'game' well enough.
h. snores like a chainsaw
i. hates Wrestling, but knows enough about the catchphrases to be 'in'.
j. likes the overrated TV show, "Heroes".
k. Music: likes heavy metal. Metallica, Linkin Park, Korn etc.
l. very interested in the Penguins blogs (hmmm...)

Now, get to work!

** Didya know that Shanny is into Trannys?

Well, thanks to Canucks and Beyond and Page Six, you do now!!

LINDSAY Lohan continued her New York party over the weekend. On Saturday night, she and her pals, deejay Samantha Ronson and p.r. powerhouse Lisette Sand-Freeman, hit the Beatrice Inn before going to The Box at 1 a.m. - where Lohan got up on the stage and sang while doing a “stripper dance” to thunderous applause. She got off easy - after her, New York Ranger Brendan Shanahan was blindfolded and ball-gagged as trannies danced around him.

I guess Ms. Craig Janney isn't the thrill ride she used to be.

** Roy over at Wild Puck Banter (aka, the Marian Gaborik House of Worship)had a list of his 5 least favourite Canucks of all time.

In case you are wondering (I know you are), here is my list.

1. Mark Messier - This bald-headed egomaniac certainly had an impact on the Canucks after coming over from the Rangers. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a very bad one, as he was paid $6mil a year to float, destroy the team from within, and not make the playoffs. Messier proved what a fraud he is and was more interested in hanging with Hollywood North celebrities than playing hockey.

2. Todd Bertuzzi - A man-child with loads of talent and absolutely no motivation, Bertuzzi single-handedly destroyed the playoff hopes of the Canucks in his final two seasons here. Paid no attention to defence, rarely gave an honest effort, and was more trouble than he was worth.

He may have given some money and time to charity, but rarely gave you a reason to like him and pull for him. I'd defend him more if he wasn't such a lazy, prickly guy.

3. Jarkko Ruutu - This 'pest' did little but take loads of bad penalties and skate around with that shit-eating grin of his. I actually enjoyed it when he got his ass punched around. Jarkko provides no real benefit to a club, and the Canucks are much better off without him.

4. Felix Potvin/Dan Cloutier (tie) - Two of the worst goalies in Canucks history. I don’t dislike them personally, but I was certainly very happy when both of them were booted out of here. They were overrated from the start and I knew they would always be bad. Potvin never did learn that staying back way in your net is not a good thing. If Cloutier was our enforcer, I'd probably love the guy.

5. Alex "Mood Ring" Mogilny - Loads of skill and talent, but little personality. From his actions and words, I always got the feeling he never really liked hockey, and was obviously playing simply for the paycheque.

** Hockeysfuture.com has released it's Spring 2007 Top 50 List.
Here is how the teams fare in the Top 50.
'

Not great news for Atlanta, Tampa, Carolina, Colorado, and Dallas. Boston, St. Louis, Chi-Town, and LA fit in very nicely.

Of course, as M-E Vlasic, Paul Stastny, and Patrice Bergeron will tell you, prospecting is hardly an exact science.

Labels: Bertuzzi, Canucks, Hockeysfuture, Ingmar is Evil, Messier, Mogilny, ramblings, Shanahan

by Jes

I'm not going to bother commenting on every single deal, as there are other sites to view that sort of thing and I don't take the day off of work to watch the Deadline Day madness.

Still, how can I pass on the opportunity to comment on the fact that Todd Bertuzzi, aka Grumpy Bear, is now heading to Detroit to play for the Red Wings.

I didn't think it was possible to hate that team any more than I do, but here we are, and the lazy prick with attitude problems has left Florida after playing only 7 uninspired games with the Panthers.

Oh, how delicious this is...

TSN is reporting

Todd Bertuzzi's stay in the Sunshine State could be short-lived, as the Florida Panthers have agreed on a package to trade the veteran power forward to the Detroit Red Wings.

In return, Detroit gets a conditional draft pick and a prospect.

Bertuzzi, 31, is in the final season of a four-year, $27.8 million contract and will become an unrestricted free agent in July.

How will the Wings react to having this guy on the roster? Remember how Bertuzzi pasted Chris Chelios to the boards a few years back during the Cloutier-choke playoff series?

Unless the Canucks have to face the Wings, in which Bertuzzi might actually give a damn, I wouldn't be all that scared of this club. The Wings haven't been getting great goaltending from Hasek (yet) and Bertuzzi, even if he does come back, is hardly worth ph33ring any longer.

We'll wait and see what the Panthers get back. Maybe they can actually recover a little something from the Luongo debacle.

(edit 1:26pm)

So, prospect Shawn Matthias (who?) and some conditional picks is what the Panthers get. We'll have to wait and see what the final price is, but I wish Jiri Hudler was included. Poor guy will never get a fair shake in Detroit.

Labels: Bertuzzi, Deadline Day, Panthers, Red Wings, trades

By Gőlbez and special guest 'Aurian'

Closed Captioning (CC) is not something most hockey fans need or think about. I'm sure most of us have seen it, or played with the CC button on the remote a few times, but the captioning is always a few seconds behind the real action, and it's not something we need to have to enjoy the game.

I'm in that majority, but my many hours at the gym, on the cross-trainers, have been spent in front of TV screens, where the CC option is often turned on while I'm watching a sports game or highlight show.

I'm always amazed at just how 'butchered' some of the names can get. Pavol Demitra becomes 'Pablo', Pavel Kubina becomes 'Havlid Subpoena', Messier becomes 'Mess Yay', Bure becomes 'beret' or 'Bear A', and so on. It often seems like the typists who do the CCing have never watched a hockey game before in their lives.

Now, I know the players well and CC is not something essential for me. The errors seem more amusing than anything else. But, what about someone who needs CC?

Hockey Rants reader Aurian is someone who needs to use Closed Captioning to enjoy the full viewing experience, and contributes her thoughts on the issue

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Why Captions are Important for me:

Even though people always tell me that the announcers are as annoying as hell and there isn't much point to captions anyways, I do find I miss the captions when they are not running. Watching a game, I don't always know who's wearing what number jersey for the opposing team, and the lettering on the jersey is often too small to make out. I like to have the captions running so I can go "oh, so that's how so-and-so plays!" I don't always catch why the play is stopped, what the ref is calling, who assisted on that goal, etc. The "public" channels (CBC, Rogers Sportsnet, TSN) all have captions, whereas PPV does not. I actually sometimes feel like I am not getting much value for my money because I am getting less from PPV :p
(Jes: PPV is never worth the money! *COUGH*)

How Captions work:

I had a captionist in one of my university classes that involved a lot of discussion in a big lecture hall. She captioned the discussion for me, so I watched her at work. She would program her computer to auto-type words if she typed in a few letters, especially for the longer ones. Before a class, she would find out the subject and program a list of new words into her computer. This is important for live stuff, because people can speak faster than someone can type properly (taped programs have FAR fewer caption errors and do not have the lag you see in live shows and games). Even so, she would still make mistakes. Usually caption errors come from typing phonetically or breaking down a name into similar words. However, sometimes I get the feeling that the captionist has never watched a hockey game or heard some of the names before :p

Caption follies:

The sports news shows usually are not too bad, because the speakers generally plan out what they will say. The games are the best source of bloopers. CBC is the best source for funny captions - they are the ones doing the "Brenda Morrison" on a regular basis.

I just watched a period of the Bruins-Rangers game and got the following:

Crueller took at shot at the goal (Cullen). The announcers discussed the trade of "Con Ray". Someone by the name of Peter Pwei ska is playing too (Peter Prucha). Also, at one point, the Vlaisers were up by three goals (NY Rangers).

I remember some great ones from various Canucks games. The captionists have just as much trouble with Bieksa as those Toronto announcers did. I've watched "Bert Fuzzy" and "Henry Sedin" play. I've also seen Cloo Tear and Longo in goal (insert bad pun there :p). There have been some minor gaffs like Sammy Salo, Kessler, and Burros.

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If the networks are going to take the time to provide CC for the games, why don't they hire somebody who actually follows the sport? I can understand if some AHL call-up gets their name slaughtered, but how can you screw up a star like Bertuzzi? Give the captionists a roster list or find a hockey fan out of the bunch. There must be one.

Closed Captioning might not be important to everyone, but to those that need it, they do deserve to be able to watch a game without a whole whack o' errors.

Labels: Aurian, Bertuzzi, closed captioning, Demitra, hockey, Pavol Demitra

Yeah, so we all know Canucks winger/monster/moron Todd Bertuzzi has now been formally charged with assault by the Powers That Be. Excuse me while I try and express some shock at that news...nope, my face is still as wooden as Chuck Norris'.

Looking at similar cases in the past, we can see that Todd Bertuzzi won�t get more than a small fine and some community service.

"Take it from me, kids, it�s not a good idea to punch someone in the head from behind, no matter how much of a punk they are!"

Honestly, if Todd Bertuzzi suffers more punishment at the hands or the law, I�m not going to shed a single teardrop. While it doesn�t matter much to me if he gets jail time or less ice cream, it would certainly serve him right for his malicious act.

Free Bertuzzi?? - Yeah, I said my piece before, but these idiots really piss me off. These are the lemmings that hang �Free Bertuzzi� signs on their lawn, and give the ape a standing ovation. Yeah, the guy costs his team a legitimate shot at the Stanley Cup and assaulted a player from behind, unprovoked.

As we saw in the Orenthal James Simpson case, you can basically get away with murder if you are a beloved star athlete. At this rate, Trevor Linden could drop a nuclear bomb on France and come out as a folk hero.

The mediots will play this as a �black eye� for hockey, but the damage was done in the US media back when the incident took place. This court case won�t go far, and won�t have any lasting impact on the game itself. If Steve Moore had been killed or crippled, then maybe it would lead to some changes in the game. (But how would you stop an unprovoked assault?)

Todd�s real fear would be that Moore would proceed to file a civil claim for damages. Still, what could Moore claim? Moore didn�t miss any salary, he�s not permanently damaged, and couldn�t look his macho team-mates in the eye if he claimed �psychological� trauma.

Bertuzzi has already lost over $500,000 (US$) in salary, his shot at the World Cup, and his (and his team�s) chance at the Stanley Cup. If you believe the NHL can police itself, then Bertuzzi has already been punished severely.

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Not a lot of draft buzz as we prepare for tomorrow�s �Meat Lottery�. Don�t expect the Capitals to trade their pick unless they can pull off a ream job like the Bonsignore/Hamrlik deal. If Ovechkin and Malkin are head and shoulders above the rest of the pack, it makes much more sense to take the �sure-fire� picks, rather than take a chance on a lower prospect.

Labels: Bertuzzi, mainstream mediots, Todd Bertuzzi, Violence