Sunday, April 29, 2007


The Truth About Jan Bulis

Jan Bulis: Penalty Killer Extraordinaire, Master of the Hip-Check, Pavol Demitra wanna-be.

Bulis doesn't get a whole lot of love and respect from Canucks' fan and media, because these people just don't know the REAL Jan Bulis.

Things about Jan Bulis you didn't know ...

  • Jan Bulis counted to infinity - twice.
  • Jan Bulis is Luke Skywalker’s real father
  • They once made a Jan Bulis toilet paper. It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
  • Jan Bulis is what Willis was talking about.
  • Jan Bulis only masturbates to pictures of Jan Bulis ... and Pavol Demitra
  • Jan Bulis sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled penalty-killing ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Bulis bodychecked the devil into the boards and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • Jan Bulis isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

  • Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Jan Bulis made it his bitch.
  • There is no "I" in team. There is an "I" in Jan Bulis. Screw you, team.
  • Jan Bulis' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Jan Bulis is the reason Waldo is hiding.
  • Jan Bulis can speak braille.
  • Jan Bulis doesn't have a computer, just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  • Jan Bulis can delete the Recycling Bin.
  • On his birthday, Jan Bulis randomly selects one lucky kitten to be thrown into the sun.
  • When Jan Bulis gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have to live.

  • ... and know you know!


    i never realized that jan bulis and chuck norris have so much in common. too bad bruce lee is dead, whatever will the poor ducks do?
    Bwhaahaha. Great stuff. I am le pleased that he is no longer with the Habs.

    For the record, he cried once for Saku Koivu (too soon?).
    Bulay Bulay Bulis.
    He's here, he's there, He's Jan-y B and he's everywhere.
    Hahaha simply awesome.

    Bas Rutten called. He wants to school Jan Bulis, as his disciple of discipline.

    "Smack his face into the ambiance!"
    "I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to break your leg."
    "Bang! Bahng! Boom! Dangida Dangida Dang! Boong!" (colorful words used to describe 'hits' in a much distributed video online)
    "OOOOOHHHHH that is gonna hurt him!"
    "Everybody underestimates the kick to the groin."
    "Right away you say, 'OK I'm sorry... Bang! Bang! Bang! No I'm not!'"
    "Wrong move! Don't do this to 'El Guapo'!"
    while banging a guy's head on the bar table, "don't diss again."

    That might haven been remotely funny had you not copied the Chuck Norris facts.
    Damn Funny, regardless of source or inspiration.
    Hey, I've never deleted Recycle Bin, but that doesn't make Bulis better than me!! :)

    Hialarious shit, Jes.
    They should make one about Luongo
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