Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Quick Hockey Jokes

A couple oldies-but-goodies for y'all.

Sean Avery and Mark Messier decide to go ice-fishing together. They drive out to a nice patch of ice and bring all their ice fishing tools. They find a good spot and begin to cut into the ice. Suddenly, a voice rings out of nowhere:

"There are no fish under the ice..."

Startled, the two look around and see nobody. They pick up their stuff and move to another part of the ice. The voice rings out again:

"There are NO fish under the ice..."

They move again and start cutting again. The voice announces:

"There are NO FISH under the ice!"

Avery looks up and says, "Is that you God?" And the voice replies:

"No, this is the announcer for GM Place. Now get the hell off of the ice!"

A Hockey Joke That Only A Canadian Would Appreciate ...

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in the park in Toronto when one is attacked by a rabid Pit Bull.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.

"Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said

"I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,"Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."

.... of course, if you are a French Canadian you might not appreciate it so much!!!

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I heard that joke told from the perspective of Manchester United supporters, with regard to a Liverpool supporter.
Here is my favorite one.

Two guys from Vancouver die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks, "Isn't it hot enough for you?" They reply, "'Well, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit eh". The devil decides they aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again they reply, "Well, like we told ya, we're from Canada, land of ice and snow, and we're just happy for a chance to warm up a little, eh." This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two Canadians in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Canadians reply, "We don't get much warm weather in Vancouver. We've just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice." The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two Canadians back in their parkas, toques and mittens. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men! The Devil is dumbfounded. "When I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?" The two guys from Vancouver look at the devil in surprise, "Don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Canucks have won the Stanley Cup!"
Vancouverites don't wear parkas.
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