Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Throw Me A Frickin' Bone, Here!
by Jes
It's late August, and the news is slow...
This Canada/Russia Summit Series Jr... is anyone paying attention?
Yeah, Canada is up 2-0, and Lucic is Captain, but *yawn*
---
Your woman wants sex, and you want hockey...
Compromise with this special hockey-themed thong.
Great. Now I got that Sisqo THONG SONG stuck in my head, again.
"Put it in the net, will ya?"
Somehow, this doesn't really get me going ...
----
Some Hockey Jokes for ya ...
"What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?"
"Look, my teeth spell out 'I love you' in block letters!"
"My other stick curves to the right"
"So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I ... Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?"
"Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo."
"You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things."
"I said, 'Would you like a PUCK?'"
"You know, less teeth means more tongue!"
"I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Lorraine."
"I only drool when I'm standing upright."
"Hi, I'm Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?"
"Well if I can't score, can I get an assist?"
"Tho ... What'th your thighn?"
"C'mon baby, the iceman cometh ... but never too soon."
---
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
It's late August, and the news is slow...
This Canada/Russia Summit Series Jr... is anyone paying attention?
Yeah, Canada is up 2-0, and Lucic is Captain, but *yawn*
---
Your woman wants sex, and you want hockey...
Compromise with this special hockey-themed thong.
Great. Now I got that Sisqo THONG SONG stuck in my head, again.
"Put it in the net, will ya?"
Somehow, this doesn't really get me going ...
----
Some Hockey Jokes for ya ...
"What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?"
"Look, my teeth spell out 'I love you' in block letters!"
"My other stick curves to the right"
"So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I ... Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?"
"Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo."
"You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things."
"I said, 'Would you like a PUCK?'"
"You know, less teeth means more tongue!"
"I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Lorraine."
"I only drool when I'm standing upright."
"Hi, I'm Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?"
"Well if I can't score, can I get an assist?"
"Tho ... What'th your thighn?"
"C'mon baby, the iceman cometh ... but never too soon."
---
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Labels: hockey jokes, jes is bored, off-ice silliness
Comments:
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Here's an old Leaf joke, I guess it could still work today:
After the season ends (early, again) the boys decide to have a player only party over at Nik Antropov's house. After a while, the beer runs out, so they call up Pat Quinn and ask him to go pickup some more at the store for them. Pat goes out, fills his truck up with beer and heads to Antropov's house.
On the way there he stops at a red light. In the car next to him, two Leaf fans look over in shock at the sight of the Toronto GM/Coach and all that beer. Before they think he's a serious alcoholic, Quinn says "It's not what you think. I got this for Nik Antropov" The two Leaf fans respond "Good trade!"
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After the season ends (early, again) the boys decide to have a player only party over at Nik Antropov's house. After a while, the beer runs out, so they call up Pat Quinn and ask him to go pickup some more at the store for them. Pat goes out, fills his truck up with beer and heads to Antropov's house.
On the way there he stops at a red light. In the car next to him, two Leaf fans look over in shock at the sight of the Toronto GM/Coach and all that beer. Before they think he's a serious alcoholic, Quinn says "It's not what you think. I got this for Nik Antropov" The two Leaf fans respond "Good trade!"
# posted by 
: 3:39 pm
: 3:39 pm 
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