Monday, April 23, 2007

 

An Open Letter to the Hockey Gods


Dear Hockey Gods,

We know that you are mean, spiteful, cruel, and evil deities. From moving franchises from Canada to the USA, giving the Stanley Cup to markets such as Detroit, Dallas, Colorado, and Tampa Bay, to installing your minion Gary Bettman as commissioner, you've proven that you want to hurt the game and make it hard on us Canadian fans (or fans near the Canadian border, such as Buffalo). Yes, you've done quite a great job torturing us up here in Canada by giving our franchises token appearances in the cup finals.

Having the DEVILS win the Stanley Cup THREE times pretty much proves your divine evilness.
So, I'm not going to bother praying to you, since you'll just laugh in my face as my boss did when I asked for a wage readjustment.

Instead, I'm going to 'suggest' that you let the Canucks win Game Seven against the Stars tonight, and then perhaps the Stanley Cup later this spring.

You heard me. I'm giving YOU advice.

Why?

Because, giving the series win to the Dallas Stars, as would giving the Cup to a team such as Detroit, would be just so ... predictable! You've done it before, and it's getting kind of old now.

Do you want to be know as complacent, boring gods? Can you truly be a good deity if you are predictable? Hmm?

Remember how weird it was when the Carolina Hurricanes, of all teams, won the cup last year? Wouldn't it just throw people into more chaos if the Vancouver Canucks or Ottawa Senators captured the Stanley Cup?

So, please take my suggestion to heart and try something different for a change. Remember, Canadians invented the game and the reason for your very existence.

Sincerely,

Jes Gőlbez

PS: Keep torturing Leafs fans. That never gets old!
PPS: Please give Greg Millen a heart attack. Even you guys can't like the guy!

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# posted by Unknown @ 8:19 am
Comments:
Giving the cup to Canada's answer to the Devils isn't evil?

Go Stars Go!

Somebody give the Canucks the heimlich because they are choking.
# posted by Blogger PPP : 9:02 am
 
Jes, if it was anyone but you this quote would have me in full-on tantrum mode:

"From moving franchises from Canada to the USA, giving the Stanley Cup to markets such as Detroit, Dallas, Colorado, and Tampa Bay..."

How do you lop an Original 6 team in with those other three?

I know, and grudgingly admire, your hatred of my Wings. But, that blast seems out of place.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:23 am
 
I`ll sacrifice a chicken to the hockey gods tonight, add some sauce and eat whatever they don`t finish :p
# posted by Blogger Aurian : 11:23 am
 
How do you lop an Original 6 team in with those other three?

I know, and grudgingly admire, your hatred of my Wings. But, that blast seems out of place.

Well, I respect the great history of the Red Wings and wouldn't necessarily equate them with the Frightning or Hurricanes, but I still hate them just as much, if not more, than those teams - Fedorov, the Russian 5, trading Ray Sheppard before he got a cup, Dominik Hasek, Chris Chelios, Keith Primo, the fact that they draft superstars with the 400th overall pick every single frickin year, Murder City USA, screwing Jiri Hudler out of good ice time, Robert Lang's kilt ... all the markings of a very evil franchise.

I`ll sacrifice a chicken to the hockey gods tonight, add some sauce and eat whatever they don`t finish :p

I'll second that motion, and add a few Yaletown Yuppies, if that makes them happy.
# posted by Blogger Unknown : 11:36 am
 
Oh...I understand now.

Nothing better than a spun-up Golbez...;)
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:42 am
 
Maybe Jiri Hudler will get more icetime considering Detroit is 3-0 in the playoffs with him in the lineup and 1-2 without him. Obviously, he must be doing something to help the team win.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:08 pm
 
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