Tuesday, April 24, 2007


The Hockey Rants Hockey & Sex Quiz

by Jes

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, according to some adult magazine I read in my teen years.

So, what do my girlfriend and I come up with when there's nothing good on TV? How about the Hockey Rants Hockey & Sex Quiz?

What kind of stick do you prefer?
1. Long, like Stephane Richer's
2. Short, like Geoff Sanderson's
3. Fat, like Marty Turco's
4. Bright Yellow, like Mario Lemieux's
5. Illegal, like Marty McSorely's
6. Bright, shiny, and metallic - Wayne Gretzky
7. A classic woody, like Al MacInnis

What is your favourite penalty?
1. High-Sticking
2. Boarding
3. Checking from behind
4. Roughing
5. Too Many Men
6. Fighting

What kind of 'look' do you prefer?
1. Girly - Valeri Bure
2. Boyish - Sidney Crosby
3. Freaky Foreigner - Alex Ovechkin
4. Rugged Country Boy - Brendan Witt
5. Party Animal - Darren McCarty
6. Metro/Pretty - Taylor Pyatt
7. Professional - Igor Larionov
8. F'Ugly - Mike Ricci
9. Adonis - Jiri Slegr

Favourite Position
1. Forward - Like to score!
2. Goalie - Always taking shots
3. Defense - Prevening others from scoring
4. Goon - You like it rough!
5. Benchwarmer - You enjoy watching from the sidelines

Your sex life resembles ...
1. Blackhawks - You don't even bother trying
2. Anaheim - Lots of banging and crashing
3. Senators - Can't come through when it counts
4. Predators/Thrashers - Done quickly
5. Stars - Boring and methodical
6. Canucks - Lots of foreplay and lots of overtime
7. Maple Leafs - Lots of trying, but no scoring

Your uniform of choice?
1. Red and seductive - Red Wings
2. Sultry Black - Penguins
3. Christmas colours - Wild...unwrap that gift!
4. Boring and generic - Ducks
5. Not tonight, honey! - Sabres
6. Break out the lube - Oilers
7. Leaves you howling - Coyotes

Your favourite hockey blogger ...
1. Greg - Depressed Thrashers fan who is a great cook.
2. Jes - Tall, dark, and handsome Slovak. You'll have to compete with Pavol, though.
3. Alanah - Crazy Canucks fan who loves to drink and tattoos the name of goalies on her ass.
4. Mirtle - Popular, Big name blogger with the big black book.
5. Tom Benjamin - Cranky old man who needs a good hug.
6. Kukla - He posts so often...more than anyone else. None of us could ever keep up!
7. Odd Man Rush - He likes to post video...quite the voyeur!

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Why don't you guys think about something a little more normal? Like, you know, if it's possible, you know, at center ice ...
Freaking amazing, and kind of wrong. Though I think I know a person who could do one better
Damn brilliant. Any way to combine the styles of Anaheim and Vancouver?
I'm still lol... I knew I was warped, I didn't realize how much until I saw where my mind went on every question...
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