Friday, November 10, 2006


Yes, kids, the Canucks are teh sux0rz.

“They sucked!”

That pretty much sums up the Vancouver Canucks last night as they got blasted by the Anaheimlich Ducks 6-0.

It’s frustrating enough to watch your team get shut out, but it’s excruciating to watch them get pwned like they were an AHL club. Like going to a really bad strip club, there was no satisfaction and absolutely no payoff. The only good thing I can say is that I wasn’t one of those idiot Yaletown Yuppies who paid $100 to go see such a stinker.

Sure, the shots on goal might not look like a lopsided effort (27-20 for the Ducks), but it was obvious the Ducks only allowed the Canucks any shots on goal to pad up the SV% of JS Giguere. There was absolutely nothing positive to say about the Canucks’ effort last night.

Are the Canucks supposed to be a playoff team? I’m just not seeing it. How can the Canucks make the playoffs with a lineup less offensive than a Bill Cosby monologue?

Roberto Luongo/Dany Sabourin – If we wanted Cloutier/Skudra-level goaltending, we would have kept the original Cloutier/Skudra tandem. Start stopping pucks and stop sucking ass.

Trevor Linden – I’m sorry, but you are D-O-N-E. Linden doesn’t score, doesn’t hit, and takes so long to get to the puck that I could watch a Kevin Costner flick AND go to the washroom before he gets there. The Canucks would be better off calling up Rick Rypien and getting someone who brings something to the proverbial table.

Edler/McIver/Coulombe – I realize you guys are quite young and didn’t expect to be here, but STOP MAKING MISTAKES! JUST STOP IT!

Mattias Ohlund – This guy’s defensive game has fallen off a cliff this season. Ohlund was -4 last night and now has 24 PIM (12 minors) in 17 games. I blame Ingmar.

the Ducks improved to 12-0-4 -- topping the league's previous best start of 15 games by the 1984 Edmonton Oilers (12-0-3).

"Obviously the Oilers were an unbelievable team and they won a few championships so it's an honor to break their record," O'Brien said of the Ducks, who have benefited from the new standings and the elimination of ties.

It’s disgusting that this ‘record’ is even mentioned. Without the shootout and point for overtime losses, the Ducks wouldn’t have had those silly bonus points to begin with. The Ducks start is NOT better than the 1984 Edmonton Oilers and shouldn’t ever be discussed in those same terms.

Oh, and the Ducks are hella boring. I realize this year’s Canucks are about as exciting as any Margaret Atwood book, but a top team like the Ducks ought not to induce drowsiness. Not even NyQuil is at potent as watching the Ducks clog up the neutral zone like a hairball.

This picture from the Tom Kurvers Fan Club sums up this season perfectly.

Vancouver Canucks

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