Wednesday, November 22, 2006

 

Head-to-Head: Sidney Crosby vs. Alexander Ovechkin

Who's better, Sidney Crosby or Alexander Ovechkin? This question has plagued the world's greatest scientists and know-little mainstream hockey writers for the past couple of seasons.

They've all done their articles, research, matriculations, and come out with some very biased arguments for 'their guy'.

Well, here at Hockey Rants, we believe in FAIR AND BALANCED hockey analysis, so here is a FAIR AND BALANCED head-to-head comparison of the league's two biggest and brightest stars. Now, you will have the definitive answer as to which one of these fine kids is truly #1.

GOAL SCORING: Edge to Ovechkin
PLAYMAKING: Edge to Crosby
DEFENSIVE ABILITY: Even

PHYSICALITY
Crosby: Falls just a little too easily
Ovechkin: Just ask Sergei Gonchar
EDGE: Ovechkin - He enjoys getting hit as much as dishing hits.

CITY
Crosby: Full of dirty Slavs
Ovechkin: Full of dirty politicians and lobbyists
EDGE: Crosby. If you had a big bomb, which city would YOU blow up? Exactly.

COMMERCIAL SUCCESS
Crosby: Reebok, Pepsi, Gatorade, Frito Lay, Sher-Wood, Upper Deck, Vanity Fair...
Ovechkin: CCM, a cover of some crappy video game...
EDGE: Crosby - He's marketable and raking it in.

AWARDS
Crosby: The MVP award he will win this season
Ovechkin: The Calder award he won last season
EDGE: Crosby - MVP is much better than the Calder

DEDICATED FANBLOGS
Crosby: The Sidney Crosby Show!
Ovechkin: Nuthin'
EDGE: Crosby

REJECTION FACTOR
Crosby: Missed the CHL Top Prospects game here in Vancouver due to 'injury'
Ovechkin: Fired his agent to hire his mommy.
EDGE: Ovechkin - I still haven't quite forgiven Crosby for faking an injury just so they he didn't have to come out West.

DIET
Crosby: Chicken, Pasta (Spaghetti), ye olde standard stuff.
Ovechkin: Oatmeal-stuffed gerbil.
EDGE: Crosby

NOTORIOUS FANS
Crosby: Thousands of screaming jailbait teens
Ovechkin: Ted Leonsis
EDGE: Crosby - C'mon, this one isn't even close.

NICKNAME(S)
Crosby: Sid the Kid, El Sid, Darryl
Ovechkin: Alexander the GR8, OV8
EDGE: None - Sid's names are boring and Alexander the Great has been done many times before. (And a stupid GR8 variant doesn't score points)

MOMENT OF FAME
Crosby: Shooting pucks into a washing machine on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Ovechkin: "The Goal"
EDGE: Ovechkin - Leno might be mainstream, but 'The Goal' is what everyone remembers.

THE LOOK
Crosby: A babyface donkey.
Ovechkin: Robocop.
EDGE: Ovechkin - The new faces of the NHL aren't exactly pretty, and Ovechkin gets the edge from hiding his face from us...for now.

CONNECTION TO LUBOMIR VAIC
Crosby: Never played with Lubomir Vaic :(
Ovechkin: Neither did he.
EDGE: The terrorists!

INTERVIEW SKILLZ/PERSONALITY
Crosby: Cliched, somewhat bland, but has a positive attitude
Ovechkin: D00d is kinda crazy, very outgoing, and smiles too much to be a real Russian
EDGE: Ovechkin

And finally,
FAVOURITE MUSIC
Crosby: A bit of everything, with a hint of country.
Ovechkin: Rap, R&B, and Techno
EDGE: Crosby. Ovechkin's favourite 'musician' is 50 Cents. Ugh.

The final count? Crosby 8 - Ovechkin 6

That settles it! Sidney Crosby > Alexander Ovechkin.

Remember, this was a FAIR AND BALANCED comparison. Really.

(cross-posted)

Comments:
I dunno, Jes. In light of the controversy surrounding Secondary Sid's latest injury, I think the balance shifts to AO's favor.
 
Damn you Ovechkin fans and your liberal propaganda!
 
Well know that you put it that way it's obvious.
 
K ovechkin is the best player the world has ever seen, hes to dangerouse
 
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