While most of the NHL was enjoying playoff hockey, Sean Avery was giving an interview to Maxim Magazine in between running over dogs with his HUMMER and frying ants with a magnifying glass.

I wouldn't want the asshole on my team, but he certainly gives interesting interviews.

Some of the highlights
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Doesn’t it hurt your team that you spend so much time in the penalty box?
It does, but a lot of my penalty minutes have been 10-minute misconducts at the end of games. Yelling at refs or when something really bad has happened, or we’re losing and I just can’t control my emotions anymore.

(Jes: While he did have 7 misconducts, he also lead the NHL with 71 minor penalties. Not hurting his team?? He doesn't even realize that he is...)

You’re 5'9", not tall for an enforcer. Where does your mean streak come from?
My mom. She’s getting older now, but she used to be a bit of a crazy woman. In a good way.

(Your average functional family...)

Who’s the most overrated NHLer?
Shane Doan in Phoenix, for sure.

He has more goals and assists than you, by the way.
He probably makes three million more than me, too. How many points does he have? I’m sure he doesn’t have that much more than me. He’s a whiner. A lot of the respect he gets is because he’s just a clean-cut guy. He seems like a real yes-man to me.

Which player would you love to cross-check into the boards?
The guy I owe the most right now is Kirk Maltby from Detroit. He busted in my nose earlier this year. I was going after Chris Chelios, and there was a big pile, and it happened so quick. When people come together, they’re coming from all angles. And it was more of a really, really giant bitch slap. I don’t think Maltby knows how to punch, he just knows how to slap. He got me good. But I know Malts would never square off and fight me. If I dropped my gloves, he’d skate away and I’d get a penalty.

(Jes: Avery is not the only one who thinks Maltby is a gutless punk)

Are there other guys you get pumped to face?
There are a few guys on Anaheim I would really like to do a number on. I’m not a big fan of Andy McDonald. He’s an arrogant little midget who would never back up anything he says in his life.

(Jes: Well, that's why he goes and hides behind The Fridge...)

Anybody you’re afraid of?
Uh, no. There’s some pretty scary girls that work the door in L.A., at the clubs.

Are shootouts good for the game, or just hockey’s way of selling out to increase ratings?
They’re awesome. I don’t know why everyone looked upon it as this dreaded thing where we were selling out. It’s a breakaway, it’s a shootout. You decide regular-season games by it. It’s great for the fans. We, as players, like watching it probably more than anyone.

(Jes: It figures Avery would love shootouts...)

Has there been too much hype around Sidney Crosby?
The kid has proved that he’s a big-time player. Thank God for the league that it actually worked like LeBron. He’s good, the guy can play.

(Jes: Good answer.)

You’ve dated Rachel Hunter and Elisha Cuthbert. What’s your secret?
I must have a really good smile [laughs]. I’ve got a great personality as well.

(Jes: The real secret? Women want bad boys who they think can be tamed, rather than a nice guy who treats them well. Oh, the money helps, too)

You’re known as a partyer. Ever show up to practice hung over?
Yeah. That’s part of what being an athlete is. If you burn the candle at both ends, you gotta be able to do it at work. I’m young enough and in good enough shape. Not a lot of people work in L.A., and there are a lot of parties.

(Jes: Wow, I'm sure Marc Crawford is happy to hear that)