Saturday, October 29, 2005

 

The Rules of Hockey Sweaters

Michael "The Hockey Fanatic" Fedor and Erin Nicks recently wrote about Hockey sweaters and the 'rules' and do/dont's associated with wearing this sacred garbs.

I live in a city full of snobby fashionitas, and hockey sweaters aren't exactly the most 'fashionable' pieces of clothing. Hockey sweaters are, however, special and sacred garments.

First rule - Hockey players wear SWEATERS, not JERSEYS! Basketball players wear JERSEYS, this is not negotiable for Canadians. I can understand Americans calling them JERSEYS, but Canadians should always refer to them in the proper form. (I realize that I have called them jerseys before. I blame the USA)

Nicks:
Never tuck in a hockey sweater, wear a No. 69 on a softball jersey or customize any piece with a personal nickname. You'll look like you should be wearing a helmet for all the wrong reasons.


Fedor:
I actually have my own name on my jersey. Honestly, I have my name and number on mostly all of my jerseys. That way they all match.

My theory is that my jerseys will always stay current. Or I'm the only one comfortable being oblivious that everyone sees I'm an incredible tool. I think it's fair enough after all the time, energy and support that I've given the Penguins over the years that I've been just like a member of the team. All my life, I felt like I wanted to feel like I belong to something. This jersey collection helps me achieve that.


Is putting your own name on your sweater a dorky thing to do? Somewhat...but I like dorky :) It's a very common thing to do if you are a fan of a European hockey club and Fedor has a point: It will never be uncurrent.

I bought a PAVOL DEMITRA sweater a few years back for about $100 and I wonder what I can do with it now. If I wear it to Blues games, I'll get the "He doesn't play for the Blues now" comments, plus the fact that he is no longer on the team and I may bring back bad memories.

I could wear it to a Kings game to show my support, but then I'll look really out of place wearing a BLUES sweater and cheering on the Kings.

Verdict - There is nothing wrong with customizing your own sweater with your own name on it. Just consider yourself more 'refined' and European ;) Just don't go putting something stupid like "SEX MACHINE" on the back of your sweater. (Yes, I have seen that before)

Nicks:
As for those Maple Leafs jerseys -- they seem to be missing something. Perhaps a flammable liquid of some sort.
:D Agreed.

---

Let's list some of the real DOs/DON'Ts of hockey sweaters.

  • Do NOT wear the sweater of a player who disgraced the city. Anyone caught wearing a Mark Messier Canucks sweater should be shot on sight. The same goes for Alexei Yashin Senators sweaters, and Keith Primeau Red Wings sweaters. If you are a fan of Messier, wear his Oilers of Rangers versions. A true Canucks fan would never wear a MESSIER Canucks sweater. Never!

  • DO wear current sweaters adorned with the names and numbers of legends. A Red Wings Gordie Howe #9, a Chicago Blackhawks Bobby Hull sweater or a Bobby Orr #4 Bruins dealio will never go out of style. Not only that, but you show you know and respect hockey history. If you wear the letters of legends, you are hardcore.

  • Do be careful if wearing the names of obscure players. If you are worried about looking dorky, it may not be the best idea to wear a Warren Luhning Islanders sweater. Who the hell is Luhning? Hardcore fans will appreciate the fact that you have such a name on your back, but most fans will just think "Oh, he/she has his/her own name his/her sweater!" If you don't worry about such things, wearing your Lubomir Vaic Canucks sweater with pride.

  • Do NOT tuck in your sweater. The Demitra, Gretzky, Daigle, Jagr half-tuck is fine if you are actually playing the game. Tucking in your sweater in regular surroundings is dorky and goes against the true look and function of a hockey sweater.

  • Do NOT wear a sweater if it is not loose enough. Hockey sweaters are not slimming, and your big gut (This is a typical guy thing) will stick out even more if you wear a small sweater. You can never go too big with a hockey sweater. Trust me.

  • Do NOT wear one of those god-awful 3rd sweaters put out by the NHL clubs. You remember the Bruins Cheerios Bear, the Canucks red "Practice" sweater and the Mighty Ducks abominations? If you wear one of these, not only will you look silly, but you are basically saying "I'm a big tool that lets the NHL marketing department walk all over me!"

  • Do NOT wear a Team Sweden sweater. Ugly!

  • Do wear national team sweaters of any other sort. These are likely to never go out of fashion, and you can wear them to any game. You can attend a hockey game anywhere in the world wearing a Gretzky #99 Team Canada sweater. If you make an investment, this is one of the best and safest ones to make. Show your national pride.

  • Do wear Team Slovakia sweaters. Women who wear these instantly become 300% more attractive ;). The reverse affect occurs with Team Sweden and Team USA sweaters.

  • Do NOT wear hockey sweaters with big mustard stains on them. White sweaters are especially easy to get dirty in this way, yet I've seen quite a few people try to make the most out of their investment and hope nobody notices a big yellow blotch on their chest. Um...OK

    I am sure there are more rules that I haven't covered. Just remember to treat your hockey sweater with respect and be careful when making your purchase. Hockey sweaters aren't cheap, so make sure you get a nice loose-fitting one with quality lettering and a player that isn't a complete punk (Bertuzzi).

  • Comments:
    phew! good thing I follow all these rules, especially the legends one with my Blackhawks' Krivokrasov Jersey!
     
    In reference to the rules of wearing a hockey sweater it should read as so.

    Do NOT wear the sweater of a player who disgraced the city. Anyone caught wearing a Mark Messier Canucks sweater should be shot on sight. The same goes for Alexei Yashin Senators sweaters, and Keith Primeau Red Wings sweaters. If you are a fan of Messier, wear his Oilers of Rangers versions. A true Canucks fan would never wear a MESSIER Canucks sweater. Never!Also NEVER wear a Bertuzzi sweater to an AVALANCHE GAME and expect nothing but to be a target.(It would be the smart thing to do) for betuzzi disgraced the city of vancouver and the NHL with his actions as a canuck.
     
    Two things I wanted to cover on my own blog. And you know how I love to write about the sweaters.
    I think it's really dorky that Oleg Tverdovsky wears his sweater tucked in. I haven't been able to get a good photo of him in action, so I haven't been afforded the opportunity to write about it.
    I almost had to get into it with the girl who has season tickets next to me at the Canes. Friday night, she wore a Flyers sweater. I knew she was from originally from Philly, so I kind of excused it, but I still gave her a disapproving look. She pointed out that it was a Brind'Amour sweater, which made it okay, I guess. What's your ruling on that? A sweater of your former favorite player on your former favorite team now playing on your current favorite team. Clearly he did nothing to disgrace Philly, and it was in our building, so I guess the rules are different.

    The opposite of that is a no-brainer. Anyone caught wearing a Hurricanes Keith Primeau sweater should be beaten to within an inch of his life. And boy did we have fun booing Primeau, by the way.
     
    I own two Hurricanes sweaters. Both red. A plain one, and Vasicek. While Vasicek was in a mini-hold out, I was sweating profusely over my investment.
     
    A sweater of your former favorite player on your former favorite team now playing on your current favorite team.

    Perhaps she's a Brind'amour fan? I wore my Malik jersey to GM Place during his first season with the Canucks, and got no grief (though several people were pretty amazed that I came clear across the continent just to watch one player).
     
    If you are wearing a hockey sweater, are you allowed to rip the inseam of your pants up to your crotch like some hockey players do?

    (sorry, that's just a pet peave of mine, I think it looks ugly when players do that and I think the NHL should stop allowing it)
     
    Is putting your own name on your sweater a dorky thing to do? Somewhat...but I like dorky :) It's a very common thing to do if you are a fan of a European hockey club and Fedor has a point: It will never be uncurrent.

    Tell that to the guy with the Cleveland Barons sweater on! :-D

    I've always wanted a Lindros Nordiques sweater myself.
     
    You bought a Pavol Demitra sweater? Nothing against Demitra, but nobody who lives outside St. Louis should wear a Blues sweater in public. Ever.
    ;-)
     
    You know what sucks royally????

    ALL THESE PEOPLE COME ON HERE AND POST REPLIES WHEN MY ORIGINAL POST ABOUT THIS HAS BEEN UP FOR DAYS AND NO REPLIES ON MY BLOG!!!!!

    WHAT THE FUDGE!!!???

    The only classy Nordiques sweaters to wear would be Sakic (19), Hejduk (21), Stasny (26), or Ron Hextal's 27 or 72 (to really look bad-ass). [Goulet is also acceptable]

    op ed - Don't disss Demitra... or the Slovak World Order (sWo) will rain down a world of pain upon your ass. Have you ever looked at Chara eye to eye? I bet you can't. Very very few men can.

    I agree with the 300%... but the percentage goes up infantessimally if that's ALL she's wearing.. hehehehe.

    Oh yea... here's one that you forgot, Jes... Unless you're 5-8 years old, don't show up to Rangers or any NHL game with a Y2J (Chris Jericho) jersey on. His dad, Ted, played hockey.
     
    I used to think the same about jerseys/sweaters naming - but the fact is the name came from what it was - a sweater - something that it's not anymore. It is a jersey now.

    But I suppose I can wear my hockey sweater with a baseball cap and some pantaloons.
     
    Okay... let this be the diffinitive mark on just how to wear a hockey jersey.

    http://www.hal-pc.org/~enigma/nuhockey/images/girlfriends.jpg

    Or here... check out the gal behind Lindsay Davenport's head. Her boobs are huge! ;)

    http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20051031/capt.ana10610310321.coyotes_mighty_ducks_ana106.jpg
     
    1. Bertuzzi certainly disgraced the team with his actions, but a lot of Canucks fans feel he is the victim and his act was more of an on-ice 'protection' issue (sticking up for a teammate) and I don't feel it's in the same class as Messier's 'break-up-the-team' cancerous attitude. Bertuzzi, in his stupidity, thought he was being honourable in one respect.

    2. Re: Brind'Amour - Nothing wrong with wearing the sweater of your favourite player no matter what team they play for. I know it's weird if I wear my Demitra Blues sweater to a Kings game, but I bought it especially b/c of his name moreso than the team.

    3. If you are wearing a hockey sweater, are you allowed to rip the inseam of your pants up to your crotch like some hockey players do?

    Robert Lang is the worst for this and I can't understand it. If you need more leg space, wear bigger pants or get them tailored differently.

    4. Oh yea... here's one that you forgot, Jes... Unless you're 5-8 years old, don't show up to Rangers or any NHL game with a Y2J (Chris Jericho) jersey on. His dad, Ted, played hockey.
    I'm not one for novelty sweaters like Y2J and stuff like that...there is an exception for the Charlston Chiefs HANSON brothers sweaters, though.

    5. I used to think the same about jerseys/sweaters naming - but the fact is the name came from what it was - a sweater - something that it's not anymore. It is a jersey now.

    You are SO Amerikan!!
     
    phew! good thing I follow all these rules, especially the legends one with my Blackhawks' Krivokrasov Jersey!

    Oh, to think I used to be a huge Krivokrasov fan back when I was much younger ;)
     
    Well, cool... I guess my Russian Larionov (with his name in Cyrillic) jersey passes muster then.

    I, unlike a lot of you, can go ahead and get my last name on a jersey and be covered indefinately. Unfortunately, my namesake plays for the friggin' Panthers. I was hoping he'd get traded over the summer to a team I actually liked. And, I can't stand the Isles anymore....

    .... oooh the pressure.

    Ta,
     
    Jes,

    I apologize for the use of the term jersey in the above comment. That was an unforgivable oversight on my part and will have to do penance.

    No excuse for that.

    Ta,
     
    Well, if you put LUONGO on a Sabres sweater, you'll look as dorky as the peeps who put LINDROS on their Leafs sweaters years ago (lucky for them he actually ended up on the team).

    Team Russian sweaters with cyrillic are even doubly-cooler since most people can't read what name you have on it. (Other than Bure which seems to be quite obvious)
     
    I wouldn't dream of putting anything like that on an AGH, unless, of course, the poles reversed, God appeared in the frosting of a chocalate cake, Zarathustra spoke to me directly and Darth Regier was able to pry Roberto away from the clutches of the Keenan.

    I'm not holding my breath.

    Otherwise, I wait for him to go to either a team or a sweater I like. I'm not picky.

    I had three semesters of Russian in college, so, it's even triply cooler, b/c I can actually read it.... :)

    Ta,
     
    I think it should be OK to wear a Preds 3rd jersey if you have kids that tend to get mustard stains on your sweater. Besides, that weird yellow color looks kinda cool in person despite how it looks on TV.
     
    OK, I'm in trouble...I own 40+ minor league jerseys of obsure players - including 4 Russian jerseys, 1 Team Canada (I'm American) and a Eric Lindros Flyers jersey (it's GW, so will it be bad form to wear it next week on a road trip to see him play in Atlanta?)
     
    who the fuck are you to say team sweden jerseys are ugly?? any girl with a team sweden jersey, probly came out of sweden meaning they are absolutely gorgeous. and yeah, who even sells slovakia jerseys. are they even still a country??
     
    Hey man,

    1. Your rules suck.
    2. You have no judgement when it comes to jerseys or "sweaters".
    3. Why would you buy a Blues Demitra jersey?
     
    How about the ruling of wearing an old (no longer around) minor league team sweater to an NHL game? ie. Raleigh Icecaps sweater to a Canes game? It's a shame that thing has just been hanging in my closet for the last 13 years...
     
    I just scored a Halifax Highlanders Doug Glatt sweater...is it ok to sport it at an NHL game?
     
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