Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Random Facts about your Favourite NHLers

It's a bit slow for real hockey news until the Memorial Cup starts...unless you want to talk about the NHL Labour negotiations.

Well, I don' my crack team of monkey investigators has uncovered some hidden truths about some of your favourite NHLers.

- - -

Joe Thornton never needs to wind his watch. Instead, once every second he shifts reality into an alternate universe in which he is wearing a watch that has the correct time

Darren McCarty owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest United States. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Darren McCarty head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passersby!

The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Mats Sundin battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2

Karlis Skrastins knows why hot dogs are sold in packs of twelve and hot dog buns are sold in packs of eight

Keith Carney was the one that originally taught that kid from Mighty Ducks 2 the "Knucklepuck."

Daniel Sedin is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.

Kirk Maltby writes the dead end scenarios for 'Choose Your Own Adventures'

Pavol Demitra and Michal Handzus keep spending most their lives living in a Gangster's Paradise.

Georges Laraques was the cab driver who had dice in the mirror in the opening credits of "Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air".

Dany Heatley defied MC Hammer and touched it.

Peter Forsberg was grown in a lab from DNA samples of all four members of ABBA

Chris Simon removed the word victory from the French language after conquering France in 6 hours using only a salad fork. During the campaign, all French deodorant manufacturing plants were destroyed

Wayne Gretzky once defeated Jesus, the prophet Mohammed and L Ron Hubbard in an arm wrestling match to decide who was the true savoir of mankind

Bob Boughner once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years

Bill Guerin single-handedly caused the hyper-inflation of Weimar Germany during the interwar years by intercepting most incoming foreign capital from his hidden Bavarian redoubt to support his penchant for swimming in enormous vats of cold, hard cash.

Brian Leetch killed Kenny (Jonsson). Bastard!

Ok, so I'm a bit hooked on this Random Vin Diesel Fact Generator - Another time-waster that the Internet hath wrought. I'll delve into the Memorial Cup later in the week as the first games start on Saturday.

In the meantime, check out James Mirtle for some real hockey tidbits today.

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