Thursday, February 10, 2005


NHLPA: Not Pulling the Trigger

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman walked into a luxury car dealership yesterday, and was scoping out a bright cherry-red Ferrari. Obviously a man accursed of small endowment, Gary needs a car that enhances his ‘manly side’.
One of my ‘inside’ sources managed to record the following conversation.

Salesman: Hi! My name is Bob. How can I help you today?

Gary: Oh, Hi, I’m Gary. I’m just checking out this baby (referring to the Ferrari) here.

Bob: Good choice, sir! The ladies can’t resist a guy who drives one of these. Just cruise through downtown with this puppy, and you’ll have more action than a Ron Jeremy production.

Gary: You’re right! This is just the car I need. I’ll give you $10,000 for it.

Bob: *snickering* $10,000? Surely, you jest!

Gary: $10,000, and not a penny more. I’m not a rich man, and I couldn’t possibly afford to pay any more than that.

Bob: The ROLEX you are wearing is worth more than $10,000! How can you stand there and tell me you couldn’t pay more than that for this exquisite automobile? If you want this car, you’ll have to pay market price - $250,000!

Gary: $250,000! I cannot possibly function as an economically viable entity if I pay $250,000 for this car! How about I offer 10% of my salary? I’ll give you $100,000 for it! A car should never cost more than 10% of a man’s salary!

Bob: Look, Gary, perhaps you should visit the Mazda dealer down the street. If we tied our car prices to people’s salaries, we’d be giving these things away. We’re not a charity here. Sorry.

Gary: OK OK OK!! How about I offer you $250,000!! But...if the car’s total costs ever equal or exceed a quarter of a million dollars, or the fuel costs per year run more than $500, or the car payments equal over 30% of my salary, then the price of the car will revert down to $100,000

Bob: Gary, I’m not as dumb as you look...the car’s price would instantly become $100,000 under that scenario!

Gary: Well, it was worth a shot.


You may have heard that the NHL made another softball offer which was quickly rejected by the PA. The NHL made it seem like they were accepting the NHLPA’s December offer, but reaching 1 of 4 trigger points in the new offer would cause the CBA to revert to what the NHL wants. Since the triggers were easily obtainable, it was obvious that this was nothing more than the NHLs last offer with nothing more than a new lemon flavour.

Look, Gary...the NHLPA has been handily beating you and most of the NHL executives into the ground for the past 10 years. Do you really think you’d sneak this by them?

For complete details, check out this post by Eric at Offwing. He’ll fill you in on all the details and fallout from the latest round of ‘nothing’.


Over in Europe...

1. Nitra and CSKA Moscow were bored, so they decided to play an exhibition game. Nitra, who was without 10 regulars (including star goalie Michal Fikrt) managed to ‘only’ lose 5-3 to the Moscovites. CSKA has a stacked roster including Oleg Kvasha, Nik Zherdev, and Jan Hejda. The score was 3-3 after 2 periods, which is quite an achievement for an overmatched Nitra squad. (Thanks to Daniel for the tip)

2. Dominik Hasek has now expressed his interest in the Russian Super League. Maybe now he can find real people to play chess against.

3. Michal Grosek extended his contract for 2 years with Geneva. Probably a good career move.

Random Rumour of the Day: According to my inside sources, Boston defenseman Nick Boynton wants to become a waiter when he retires.

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