Tuesday, November 08, 2005


The Worst Types of NHL Fans

ESPN's Page 2 decided to dig out some of their best past entries, and I re-discovered Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons list of Top 20 Worst Baseball fans.

Maybe the most alarming development of the 21st century -- other than reality TV shows, Freddie Prinze Jr, bobble-head dolls and the fact that some females actually identify with the dysfunctional characters on "Sex and the City" -- has been the declining standards of etiquette in our society.
Now, the fans that are bad at sports events are probably just as annoying in real life. Still, there seems to be something about public events that can bring out the worst in people, or just the simple fact that some people have no sense of manners and self-awareness.

The best ideas were meant to be borrowed, so I decided to pilfer his idea (and some of his picks) and apply this to make a list of the worst hockey fans.

The list, in no particular order...

  • The guy who thinks everyone's looking at his girlfriend
    Of course, she's dressed in one of those Britney Spears outfits, she's chewing gum and she looks easier than Lacey Underall, but that's beside the point. This guy does not want you looking at her. And even though she gets up every inning and takes her sweet time shaking her buns up and down the aisle, he's glancing around with one of those "DeNiro in Taxi Driver" glares on his face.
    This macho dude is usually dressed in a tight t-shirt to show off his muscles (and perhaps hide the lack of other assets) and never really seems to be enjoying the game. Buddy, tell your girl to wear some respectable clothing or don't come to the game just to show off your "prize".

    AND to the girls wearing such revealing clothing: You look cheap and rather foolish. This is a hockey rink, so try and dress more appropriately.

    AND to the "guy who thinks everyone's looking at his girlfriend", your girl may be nice to look at, but most of us really don't think she is more than that.

  • The guy who's just getting bombed

    Some warning signs: 1.) he's usually a high school senior or college freshman who hasn't really figured out the whole drinking thing yet; 2.) he's usually the shortest guy in his group; 3.) every two innings he hops up for another round; 4.) he always returns to his seat carrying two beers and spilling them all over the place; 5.) he enters some sort of catatonic, glazed trance by the [2nd intermission]; 6.) he becomes a legitimate "Heads up, that dude looks like he might puke" candidate by the seventh inning stretch.
    So true, so true. I am amazed that anyone would want to spend $30-40 on crappy stadium beer. These kids seem to be at the game simply to drink as much beer as possible and are never any good at holding it in. Therefore, they can't be Slavic ;)

  • The work buddies who have no interest in the game

    This happens a lot at GM Place with the "Corporate" crowd in the lower seats. These guys are just as annoying as...

  • The guy who continually talks on his cell phone.

    Look, are you there to watch a game or do a business deal? If your business is that important, can you go into the concourse and do your stuff there so the rest of us can enjoy the game without your incessant yakking...and, yes, the guys on the cell phone always talk way too loudly.

  • The guy who orders something from a vendor during a crucial part of the game (and stands up to take his wallet out)

    First, the guy stands up and slowly takes his wallet out of his back pocket (apparently it's impossible to remove your wallet from your back pocket if you're sitting). And he remains standing, oblivious, until someone gives him the "SIDDOWN!" and causes him to perform the bizarre "I'm still pulling my wallet out, but I'm crouching like someone just fired a gunshot" routine. God, I hate this guy.

  • The dorks in the front row who bang on the glass any time the puck is near them.

    These guys (usually two or three of them) have front row seats for the one and only time in their lives. They feel the need to be part of the game by banging on the glass like apes when the action gets close. After the third or fourth time, it gets very annoying.

  • The "LOUD" morons who feel the need to shout 300 times a game.

    They could be related to the glass-bangers, but not always. There are always a group of young men who feel the need to shout out the most inane crap at any opportunity. Do they shout like morons during the day? Probably not...but at the game, they'll let it all out. Loud Morons never say anything really funny or intelligent...mostly crap like "WOOOO!!" and other lame heckles. These guys also tend to hold their alcohol poorly, but don't always need to be 'juiced' to act like fools.

  • The geeks who bring CBC or ESPN signs.

    Look, try something else original for once, OK? We don't need you holding up signs that block our view, especially those that aren't all original. Are you so desparate for attention that you need to bring a lame sign to the game that panders strictly to the network? ...and must the networks continually show these morons? Really, focus on the guy with the original sign that says "I CAME TO A FLYERS GAME AND ALL I GOT WAS A ROBERT ESCHE REBOUND".

  • The preppy, uptight fans that give you funny looks if you cheer at all.

    Usually found with the cell phone talkers in the lower bowl. These fans seem to think that you should clap politely only when directed to by the scoreboard screen. These 'fans' are simply at the game because it is the 'in' thing to do and/or they want to flaunt their wealth. Look, you came to a sports arena so you should expect some noise.

  • The guy who gets it all wrong.

    I don't want to be "That Guy" who corrects people, but I do get irritated when I sit near a guy that is explaining rules or something else hockey-related to his pals and gets EVERYTHING wrong!! His buddies, who are even more clueless than he is, nod their heads and soak it all up as gospel. Ugh!

  • The guy(s) who tries to start the Wave, then gets belligerent when everyone ignores him.

    Very often related to the "Glass Banger Guys". It's not enough to annoy us with their glass-banging ways, but now they must annoy us by trying to start the wave. We aren't there to watch you, boys!

  • The guy who makes a mosh pit-style leap into a crowd of people vying for a loose puck.

    With the new netting in place, loose pucks are a lot harder to come by. Still, you always seem to get one or two guys diving for a puck like it's the last bit of water on earth. It's amazing what some people will do for a souvenir that you could buy for $5 if it is that important to you. If the puck is in your row or close to you, then you have a right to fight for it. If the puck is in another row, then back off.

  • The loud guy rooting for the other team

    We've all cheered our team in an enemy [arena], but there's a difference between supporting the visitors and antagonizing the home fans, isn't there?

    I've cheered for the Blues and Panthers at GM Place and I am smart enough to know not to piss off the Canucks fans. I am in their house, so I will be respectful and not try to act like an ass. It's one thing to cheer for a goal, but it's another to stand up and try and pick a fight.

    Canadiens and Leafs fans are definitely the worst for being this type of fan at GM Place (From personal experience). Until they come up with European-style sections for opposing fans, you better play it safe unless you want beer cups thrown at your head.

  • The guy who doesn't wear deodorant or anti-perspirant.
  • Gary Bettman.
  • Colorado Avalanche fans.

    You know I'm right ;)

  • Comments:
    Colorado Avalanche fans?
    Yeah, especially the ones with FORSBERG sweaters :)

    Unless of course, this was just a profile of male fans, you forgot puckbunnies. Cuz Alfredsson is sooooo hot right now! :)
    I refuse to be thought of as less of a fan because I like to comment on Daniel Alfredsson's game and, occasionally, his hair (or lack thereof).

    I kid, of course. But yes, the girls (usually high-school age) that come to games just for the beef are annoying.

    Anyway Jes--when I went to the Garage for the Super Bowl Sunday game in 2003, I ran into SO many of "The preppy, uptight fans that give you funny looks if you cheer at all." I mean, DAMN. I yell "GIVE 'EM HELL, HARRY!" once at the start of the game and all of a sudden I get the Death Glare from half the section.

    Great job classifying hockey fans. I hate the people at The Joe who have lower bowl seats and either never show up or are just doing business. Just wrong.

    And I agree, Colorado Avalance fans. Yuck. :) I hate the Avs with such a passion. It's the Detroiter in me.
    Maybe this is just an Oilers thing, but doesn't it annoy anyone else when yyour team is on the powerplay, passing it around, in good control, and a bunch of morons start yelling "SHOOOOOOOT!"? It annoys me. You aren't helping there, all you wannabe coaches. Shut up, sit down, and enjoy Hemsky's passing game.
    Casting my vote to move Gary Bettman to the top of the list. And don't forget to add the shootout fans.

    For Christy:
    Long before it was called HockeyTown, there were none of these fans in D-town.
    Only the people that knew and understood hockey came to the games. Of course the Wings were dismal and were lucky to draw 5,000. Unless Boston or phil came to town, and then the creeps just crawled out of the woodwork. You might have missed it. T'was back in the early 70's and they were playing at Olympia.
    The guy that Jonathan W talked about is my least favorite guy.

    The "SHOOOOOOOOOT" guy is usually related to the guy who leans over to his buddy and says "Man, I'm gonna be really pissed if there isn't a fight". If all you want is to watch a fight, stay home and order boxing on pay-per-view.

    But the guys who I really hate ( and we have a lot of these at our home games) are the ones who yell "RED!" during the singing of the national anthem. It isn't clever: we're all full aware that out team wears red, and that the word "red" is in the national anthem. It's just disrespectful to shout out like that. Either sing along, or keep your trap shut in respectful silence. There's plenty of time to shout "RED" during the game.

    Also, we have a LOT of people who buy season tickets for their 6 year old child(ren), who is more interested in plopping their booger fingers into other people's beer, or jumping around than they are in the game. These parents need to do the math: it would be far cheaper to leave the kid(s) at home with a baby sitter every time than to buy a season ticket for them. Especially if they also have to replace beers that their kid knocks over or puts their booger fingers in.

    speaking of national anthems ... i need to make a post at my place about that. Our new anthem singer this season is really struggling with "O Canada", and to be honest she isn't doing that great with the Star Spangled Banner either.
    The last time we went to Calgary to watch the 'Nucks, my buddy had a sign that said:

    "Otto kicked it in."


    He's resurrecting the sign when we go there in February.
    What's worse- yelling 'red' or yelling 'Knight'? Atlanta fans yell it because their last pro team was the Knights (Manon Rheaume anyone?). Some people seem to be bitter that they aren't here anymore, making it all the more moronic to yell a minor league team name at a pro game.
    Wow, Ak-sar-Ben Knights! Great work in a Rheaume reference and a IHL reference in the same comment post!
    But the guys who I really hate ( and we have a lot of these at our home games) are the ones who yell "RED!" during the singing of the national anthem. It isn't clever: we're all full aware that out team wears red, and that the word "red" is in the national anthem. It's just disrespectful to shout out like that. Either sing along, or keep your trap shut in respectful silence. There's plenty of time to shout "RED" during the game.

    Psst, Dave--you forgot about the State fans. They're the ones who holler "RED".
    How about "Self-Absorbed Improv Guy?" He's the one who thinks all 15,000 people in the arena came to hear him. He's the one who spends the whole game mocking opposing players, the refs, the peanut vendor, the usher who asks him to shut up, and the people in the seats around him who also want him to shut up. The only good news is that he usually disappears before the end of the third period because he's really not interested in the game, he's bitter because he's not getting any yuks, and he's out of material.
    I'd fit into the cheer for the other team guy.

    Usually I would get tickets for the one game Boston plays in Detroit & love going in my #6 McGillis sweater to cheer on my bruins; Thing is though, that I usually wont make an ass of myself since Detroit tends to score a little much for me to put up with being pointed at and belittled. (the best was when Boston won in overtime the one year).

    ...but then again I'll go in any opposing jersey, Columbus Spacek anyone?
    I went to the Atlanta Hawks home opener last night. It's a whole new world, I tell ya. Hockey fans are nothing compared to NBA fans. The sluttiness factor of the dolled up women goes way up, as does the thugness of their man-companions.
    Avalanche fans? At least we don't root for attempted murders, and Boo another country's anthem. Classless.
    at least we don't root for attempted murders ... (finishing his sentence) ... we only root for wife beaters.
    I cannot believe that there have been 17 comments, and nobody has mentioned the infamous Thrashers Grandmother. She invaded the RBC Center for last night (November 12, 2005)'s Canes vs. Thrashers debacle (that is, if you're a Canes fan like moi) and made a complete ass of herself on TV (as my brother and I witnessed) and off it.


    as far as Grandma.....she moved down to right behind me!! UGH!!! she is annoying.....the camera was on her alot. I wanted to put my hand on her mouth.

    She is known to mow young kids down to get to the players coming off the ice. I was tryiing to help NCCANES son to my spot and she was all over me. I had to hold her back so he could get in there. Pathetic.

    And that was not the only time...she was also at the 2004 World Cup of Hockey Training Camp...


    I think I could now write a book on 'Grandma's' antics- not that I want to or anything- but I feel like this nutjob is like waldo- she's everywhere that I'm at- but mercifully, I only had to see her from a distance yesterday, and that was plenty- - if you recall my post over a year ago when hub and I went to Columbus for the WC of Hockey/Team USA Training camp, she was in all her glory and had not only Team Canada heading for the hills (Lecavalier, Theodore, Brodeur, Richards & Thornton) due to all of them knowing she sold autographed stuff on ebay- but she had the entire Russian team literally crossing the other side of the street to get away from her---(Kvasha, KOVALCHUK & Samsonov ran from her and poor Ovechkin was left to figure it out on his own and got 'caught' signing for her) She also bulldozed through several children (under 8 year olds) who were posing for photos and getting autos with Iginla and Gagne-basically pushing the children away from both players and saddling up to them both (mortified as they were) with a Team Canada jersey conveniently in her bag of tricks- much to the horror of the parents who had made it a family vacation to Columbus for the week of WC training camp. She fools people with the white hair and that Grandma tag- and she should be ashamed of herself, but clearly could care less- she's on a mission.

    I'm tellin' ya folks, I think I, along with many other Canes nuts, have discovered the Queen of Bad Fans.
    Canuck fans smell just as bad especially the ones with BETUZZI sweaters :) and jealousy will get you nowhere in life, but it is nice to have your own forum to talk smack in.
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